Expert: Joanne - 12/8/2006

Question
i think i have an eating disorder.
i have been restricting my food to 200cals a day and making myself sick.
if i can i wont eat at all - but make my self sick still on drinks such as squash.
i thought i was in control until i tried to not make my self sick one day ad i couldnt. i HAD to be sick.
i saw a little blood once but i think its where i scratched my throat.
i hate myself - i cant bear to look at myself im repulsive. i dont deserve to go out so have to stay in.i wont allow myself to go out or do things until i have reached my goal weight. and if i dont i dont know if i can carry on like this. im losing my friends and everyone.im 5ft 5" and weigh an awful 128lbs.
i told 1 person and her advise was to talk to my parents but i knew a girl with anorexia and they mocked it and said all tey have to do is eat. they really wouldnt understand and i dont have the control or bravery to tell them. also i dont think i colud tell my doctor. he has broken confidence before and i know he will do it again. i dont think i could blurt this out face to face to someone. im struggling to write this now.
please help i dont know what else to do

Answer
I think you have an eating disorder!

You need to get some real time help ASAP!

I think that it is likely that it was your throat that was bleeding, mine's used to all the time, but there is always a chance that it could be something more serious, so keep an eye on that, and if it happens again, please go get it checked out!

You are beginning to isolate yourself.  This is never a good thing! All it allows you to do is get further and further into the disordered eating pattern, and make it more likely to go unnoticed by the people that would be able to help and support you.

I know that this can be very hard to talk about.  If you are scared of talking to your Dr, is there another health professional that you can speak to.  Your Dr is obliged to keep confidentiality (depending on your age), so you should be able to talk to him, and if he breaks it again, you are more than within your rights to make a formal complaint about it!

The best people to tell are usually your family or close friends - is there anyone else close that you can talk to?

Face-to-face is hard.  After being confronted about my eating and denying it, and having a change of heart, I e-mailed my guidance teacher confessing.  Why not consider writing an e-mail or letter to a friend, family member, or guidance counsellor at school/uni?

You really need to get help, and the only way you can get that help is to be honest with people about what is going on!

I hope that you can take something from this answer!  Please come back if you want to ask anything else, or want to just talk.

All the best
Holly