Expert: Meg - 7/27/2006

Question
in april/may 2005 i lost a bout 10 lbs through eating practically nothing. since then i've become absolutely obsessed with my weight. i'm 5'4", 115 lbs. lately i've been bingeing (tonight was about 5200 cals) and then taking laxatives, diet pills, fasting and working out excessively. i didn't realize that there are types of bulimia that aren't the purging type. is this me? i tried really hard to cut down on bingeing but i've still managed to get over 3000 cals TEN times this month. i really just want to stop bingeing and be normal but i can't seem to stop it. i try journals... no help... i write in my journal while shoving peanut m&ms in my mouth. in the back of my mind, i want to be healthy. but in the FRONT of my mind, i want to be 100 lbs. what can i do?

Answer
Hi Kelly,


Thanks for your note and I'm sorry that you're going through this and hope that I can be of some help or at least point you towards some good information.  

Yes, there are definitely non purging forms of bulimia and it sounds like this might be what you are dealing with.  Most people do think of throwing up when they think about bulimia, but there are certainly other methods of purging (as you mentioned) and regardless of the method, they all equate to bulimia.

Here are some pages that might be of help to you:

http://www.pale-reflections.com/bulimia.asp?page=2

http://www.something-fishy.org/whatarethey/bulimia.php

Unfortunately, there are many health risks from bulimia and even if you are not vomiting, your behaviors can cause serious health problems.  It sounds like you know this and want to stop, and I know that doing so can often be really difficult.

The pull you are feeling between wanting to be normal and free of this yet also wanting to achieve your "goal weight" even if you need to engage in eating disordered behavrios to do so is actually normal in terms of people who are suffering with an ED.  Because of this, most people who want to get free from their eating disorders need to get some  type of treatment and it sounds like this might be helpful for you.  Sadly, the emotional/psychological aspects of an eating disorder can be the most difficult to escape and by finding a therapist who is trained in dealing with eating disorders or even a support group (www.anad.org offers free groups around the country and they are generally very good), you are more likely to be able to figure out why you have fallen into these patterns and get the FRONT and BACK of your mind in sync and working towards a healthier goal.  

I know that it is so frusterating to understand to some extent what is going on and still feel powerless to stop it.  I just want you to know that you're not alone in experiencing this and that it is possible to get past it-but it takes some work and investigation and this happens the quickest with people trained to facilitate the process.

Good luck and please feel free to email again if there is anything else I can help with or if anything in this note is unclear.

Take care, okay?
Meg