Expert: Susan - 7/12/2006

Question
Hi Susan,  I've never done something like this on the internet
before.  I'm 17, 5 foot 7 and weight 65kg. I've always played alot
of sport.  I want to be thinner.  I'm not at all fat and i know that,
infact people comment on how flat and toned my belly is...but
for some reason it's not good enough.  I think, like you said, I'm
a bit of a perfectionist, and I want to be a bit thinner not just for
me but I kinda want people to notice me losing
weight...especially my mum. (she used to give me a bit of
trouble about my weight by making little stupid comments like
"you don't need second helpings) I'm in my final year of school
and it's full of stress.  I feel there's alot of pressure on my to get
excellent grades that I'm not sure I will achieve.  I get behind in
my work sometimes and my room can get messy and that's
when I feel out of control. I think I want to be able to control
something so I want to take that out on my body.  I went
through a bad stage a couple of months back where I was
constantly getting upset, I was kinda depressed and was so
obsessive about the food that went in my body. I would think
about it non-stop! It would literally bring me to tears. I'de get
angry at myself for eating anything with the slightest tiny bit of
fat content.  I would try and make myself throw up but couln't
figure out how to do it....that would make me even more angry.  
At the time it was my greatest desire to be able to make myself
throw up what I ate...which wasn't even much. I spoke to the
school psycologist and she was nice but she didn't make me
want to stop. I did soon stop thinking about it but in the last
week it's kinda come back...infact the only reason I came across
this sight is because I was searching the net for tips on how to
be anorexic or bullimic.  I don't want to get digustingly thin...but
I do feel like I would be so happy if I just lost a bit of weight.  I'm
not even sure that I'm asking you a question...I just needed to
talk to someone...I'de still like you to write back...thanks for
listening

Answer
Dear Lucy,
Why is it that you want people to notice that you are losing weight? How come you aren’t satisfied with your weight even though people comment on how much you are in shape? When will you not need to lose weight? Do you honestly think that by losing 10 pounds that you won’t want to lose another 10 pounds after that?
As for your mom just tell your mom how you feel when she comments on your weight again. Tell her that everyone is sensitive about their weight and you don’t need her to constantly remind you of that. Just be up front with her and, if she doesn’t stop after that then, start commenting on all of her faults. After you tease her about her faults, ask her how it feels to be put down by her daughter.
Don’t start to doubt yourself about getting good grades. If you take the time to do each assignment and study then, you should have no problem. However, if you leave everything to the last minute then, that’s when your grades will fall. I bet you most of the pressure is coming from yourself. As you said you are a perfectionist therefore, you want your last year of school to be perfect including grades, body (especially for prom), etc. Don’t worry the stress of school will be over very very soon. The trick is don’t let your room get messy. Put all your clothes in a basket when they are dirty, pick a day to do laundry and change your sheets, make sure when you take something out of your cabinets put it back. So what if you don’t make your bed one day, will it really kill you?
You can control your room, you can control your grades, you can control you stress and you can control you body. Controlling you stress is easy once you get into a routine. When you feel stressed out go for a jog, write in your journal, talk to a friend you trust, listen to music and just rest. By relaxing and talking about your problems, it will help you a lot. You can even continue to use this site; there are a lot of different categories including one for teens. If you don’t think the school psychologist helped then, don’t go back to her.
I am definitely glad that the bad stage you went through is over and, I know you’ve learnt you lesson. You can exercising which is the best way to maintain/lose weight. Just watch what you eat, like don’t go out and buy a big bag of chips.
I am always here to listen and to help. But do you honestly think that if you lose 5 pounds, your life will change drastically? Do you really think that people will like you better including your mom because you lost weight? Are appearances all that matter to you? Your answer is probably no so then, why are you acting like looks are everything in this world? Happiness does not come from the number of pounds you lose.
Susan