Expert: Meg - 5/4/2004

Question
I've been trying to recover from my eating disorder for almost a month now, I was five feet two and weighed 80lbs. So I tried to eat around 2000 calories a day. But sometimes I find it sooo hard to stop eating and would eat so much that I feel sick afterwards and have heart tremors when I wake up the next morning.
I have gained around eight pounds already and most of them went to my waist. it became very unsightly and it bothers me alot. I wonder if all these were normal... I mean, are these bing urges going to stop as I gain more weight? and what can I do to help relieve the weight gain in my waist area?
Thank you for ur time to read my problem and I look forward to your advice.

Answer
Hello Lai-

First of all, a huge kudos to you for working so hard on fighting this and doing a great job in taking steps to get healthy.  That is SO difficult-and you deserve a lot of credit of your commitment to geting better.

I'm wondering (since you didn't mention this) if you are working with a nutritionist or any other sort of support system.  Because recovery is so difficult in that it involves getting healthy and recovering body mass (which is obviously difficult for a former anorexic) it can be quite helpful to have that added boost so if you aren't doing this now, you might want to look into it.

One month into recovery is still very new, and your body is still adjusting to getting proper nourishment and trying to deal with that.  Depending on how long you were sick as well as your own body's level of health and resilliance, the adjustment can take some time.  For me, it took months and its really a matter of letting things even out.  

As for the physical complications, I would speak to your doctor about the heart tremors.  It is impossible to know what damage your body has sustained from malnutrition without doing that and probably a good idea to get all of that checked to be safe.  

As far as binging, I remember feeling so very out of control when I started eating more normally again as well.  It was scary, but in retrospect, it makes sense that when our bodies have been denied food for so long, the self preserving instinct to regain health is often strong and kicks in so that you do end up eating more at first.  Also, I think that a lot of times, by restricting food for so long it is very difficult to determine hunger signals so a lot of recovery (especially early recovery) is really re-learning how to eat in a normal, healthy way.  

You're definitely not alone in feeling that you are binging and it will get better-but in the meantime, you need to ride it out and keep reminding yourself that this is a temporary (perhaps uncomfortable) phase on your path to recovery.  It is difficult-but worth it...and it truly will get better and easier as you go on.

As far as weight distribution, yes often weight will go to certain areas at first and that, too, feels quite uncomfortable and bothersome.  Like the eating patterns (and binging/feeling of overeating), as your body recovers, this too will eventually even out.  Unfortunately, as far as I know, there really is no *quick fix* for undoing the physical damage of anorexia other than to be patient and know that it often feels worse than it is...and it absolutely does even out as you keep getting healthier again.

I don't know if you are familiar with the Something's Fishy website, but there is a lot of great online support there as well as information on finding therapists, nutritionsts, etc.  You might want to check it out www.something-fishy.org  

Otherwise, keep doing what you are doing.

You sound commited and like a strong person and I know that you can do this.

Please take care and I hope this helped at least a little  bit.

Email me again if there is anything else I can do.

best,
Meg