Expert: Reed (John Rieger) - 1/31/2012

Question
Hi. My son is 16 years old and has ADHD. He's on Concert 27 mg.  He seems to be happy, but he is a loner. We've joined him up in classes, clubs, sports, and camp since he was very little, and he had loads of social interactions since he was a baby.  But he doesn't form friendships. IT's like you can lead the horse to water but can't make him drink.  Everybody seems to like him and he is funny and nice to people.  But he can't seem to converse with ease if it's not someone very close to him.  And he refuses to get on the  phone - he's petrified if he has to call someone. He just will not do it.  I tried to get him to go into the pizza parlor to pick up an ordered pie. All he had to say was "pizza for Paul".  He would not go in and do it. He froze and looked so scared. Now there is a junior banquet coming up and my friend says I should just make him go.  I don't know what to do anymore.  I am going to call a therapist tomorrow. But I was hoping for a little insight from you as to what I can do for him. Thank you very much,,,dara

Answer
Hi Dara,

Children and adults that suffer from ADD, ADHD, OCD, etc have the same basic gifts and issues. The gift is that they are highly sensitive, meaning that they are very intuitive to “feeling” the energy around them, loving and unloving. And don’t be fooled into thinking that just because a person is ACTING nice on the outside, that that is what they are on the inside. And this is what your son can feel and possibly see and hear as well.

Now the gift is not the problem, the problem is the "denial" of the gift that originated somewhere in his early childhood when he was exposed to a traumatic experience where he never was able to express what he really felt. Maybe he was pressured to face his peers or friends and do something that he didn’t want to do as he didn’t feel safe or whatever, but having to do it, and not being able to express himself meant that he had to deny his real feelings and emotions, and substitute them with ones that were acceptable. In the process, he also fragmented, meaning that he had to deny and push away the part of himself that was deemed unacceptable, and it is these parts that now need to be accepted and healed. Hence his pattern of keeping busy and of being funny and nice as a cover up to what he is really feeling and wanting to express, but afraid to, hence, he is a loner, as why force himself to be in situations that make him feel uncomfortable, anymore than necessary.  

The drug, Concert 27 mg, is just masking the symptoms and is not addressing the real problem.. Fortunately, there is a cure, but it will take honest and open communication both on your part and his. Healing this is not going to be quick or easy and both of you are going to have to be committed, no matter what happens when things start moving. I say you, because in order for him to heal, you and the rest of your family and friends are also going to be affected, as once you go into this life altering experience, everything changes.

I’m going to give you a link to my website http://shenreed.com/ebook2.html and my free eBooks that you can downland, I suggest that you start with Book2 Chapter 5 and then go from there..

If you have any question, yo know where you can find me.

Regards
John