Expert: Reed (John Rieger) - 1/14/2012

Question
Hi, my perception is on my ADHD child is completely different then the rest of the world.  I think my child is fine - he has his issues but, nothing extreme. The rest of the world sees my child as being a nuances and horrible -- including school staff,  my husband and my husband's family.  This has made me more protective and obessed with my child being mistreated or getting the services he needs to be successful at school.  Could my perception that is so different and obessed with school be a sign of anxiety?

Answer
Hi Mia,

Your email is dealing with two issues, your child and your anxiety.. I’m not sure what you are really asking so I will address both as they are related.

First let me say that you need to be clear as to what is really going on.. I say that as you are contradicting yourself. You say my child is fine, but then state that you are protective and obsessed in getting the services he needs to be successful at school. Your child is not fine and that is what you are worried about, and is why you are contacting me.

You are right in that your child is different but you are not aware of how he is different, except as  having being diagnosed as having ADHD that modern medicine has no idea what causes  and have no cure except to treat the symptoms with drugs like Ritalin. What is really going on is that your child is very sensitive and intuitive and he picks up on the thoughts and feelings of those around him. He was born with this gift, but as a infant and child, he was unable to really express himself in a way that you can understand what he wanted to say.

This scenario was repeated over and over creating imprints and programs in his mind that say real emotional expression can’t be expressed. He has been so traumatized that his only coping mechanism is to keep busy, or to physically act out his feelings and emotions. When he is in an emotionally stressful situation and when the energy around him is really negative, he has to be even more active to keep his sanity. This emotional energy has to move and if it can’t be expressed verbally in the way it needs to be expressed, then he gets the body to express and release it..

Like I said, this goes back to his infancy and it’s not uncommon to even go back in the womb where he picked up the thoughts and feelings of you and your husband and those around you.. I’m sure that if you think about it, you will recognize times when he was more active than others.  Because he was unable to express himself in a way that you could understand him and express it for him, he fragmented. By that I mean that he had to mentally deny the parts of himself (his feelings and emotions)  that he was unable to express.

Anyway, what needs to happen now is for you and your husband to reconnect with him and help him reclaim his lost fragmented essence, and to allow him to express what he is feeling in the moment he is feeling it. He is still young, so this will be easier than if he were a teenager or an adult, as then he would have to deal with years of denial.. Of course his expressing what he is feeling is going to make a lot of people unhappy as they would rather be centered out for any unloving thoughts or actions they have, including you and your husband. It’s all about being REAL, and not playing the game that everyone is playing by denying their true feelings and emotions and intent..

I’m going to give you a link to my website http://shenreed.com/index.html  and my free eBooks that you can download, that I’m sure will help you understand what is going on with your son and you. I suggest that you start with Book 2 (pre-Publish version) to get an idea of what is going on and then move to Book 1 for the tools to help your son, You can modify them to suit what you think and feel will work, but the idea and concept is what is important. Also know that when he has healed his fragment, he will also gain understanding of how to integrate with others in a loving way and one that also works for him.

Sorry for being so long winded.

Reed