Expert: Reed (John Rieger) - 2/6/2012

Question
Hi Im 18 years old and i think i might have AvPD. Ever since i was little i was extremely shy. I have no friends even though i want to. Everytime I try to speak to someone I cant. the words just dont come out. I think that it has gotten worst because I cant even answer the phone or give phone calls. I should be in college right now but I'm not because I was to nervous to go to orientation. I never go out. I'm always locked in my room. I can't even get a job because I'm to shy and cant be around people. I have really bad trust issues as well. I'm also very sad all the time. Does this sound like avoidant personality disorder?

Answer
Hi Candy,

Your avoidance patterns are related to suppressed and denied feelings and emotions that you experienced in your early childhood. Something traumatic happened to you as a child where you were either not allowed to express yourself, or you felt that your real verbal expression could not be expressed as that would only cause more problems.

When we experience something that is traumatic and we can’t fully express all that we feel in the moment, we fragment. By that I mean that a part of us is forced outside of our energy field, and it is this part of us that we need to heal in the present time. As a result of that experience, every time we are activated by a similar experience, we do one of three things, fight, run, or give up. In your case, its run, that is exhibited as not being able to talk, and then withdrawing from the situation.

The only way that you can heal this permanently is to allow yourself to remember, feel and express everything that you have been denying and avoiding all your life the next time you are activated into your panic attack that ends up in the avoidance pattern you describe. If you feel you can't express yourself in the moment, then do so as soon as possible. Also allow yourself to go back in time to find the original cause and express all that you couldn't at that time. It’s not going to be easy or nice, but I assure you it works.  

I’m going to give you a link to my website http://shenreed.com/index.html and my free eBooks  that you can download. In your case, I suggest that you begin with book 2 and go to Chapter 20 - Healing Level 1.. While my issues are not the same as yours, but the panic and terror I was feeling was, and that is what is important. Once you have read that, you can read other parts of that book, or go to book 1 and use the meditation tools I share to help you find the lost parts of you.

If you have any questions, you know where you can find me,

Regards
Reed