Hello, my name is Natasha, I am a 19 year old second-year student athlete who goes to a school 10 hours away from home (where my family and boyfriend are). I apologize in advance but this will probably be the longest question you'll ever have to read because I really need to be able to explain myself to get the help I need. Several years ago, I was diagnosed with Pure Type 2 Bipolar I Disorder and I'm having trouble with a variety of things recently. Throughout my life I've had many problems with my family (extreme emotional abuse, mother has some kind of serious mental disorder, father is detached and has cheated on my mother multiple times, etc.), relationships (some abuse, having a tendency to become extremely attached to the wrong person), and some social problems (difficulty understanding and fitting in with societal demands).
Wednesday (August 5th), I had to leave my home and boyfriend for pre-season training at my college and I'm having an extremely rough time since. My boyfriend and I have been best friends for 5 years, and last December we started dating and I've never been happier with anyone in my life. Our chemistry together is insane and even though we have been dating for such a short time, we've both been thinking that this relationship could possibly lead to marriage. Because of this, I have been really attached to him in ways I told myself that I'd never be attached to someone again. I won't be able to see him for at least 3 months because of season. This has flipped me out to no end and I've been upset every day just thinking about how much I miss him. He's strong and doesn't really want to show how much he misses me and just continues with life as usual.
I need to work on my personality and my response to certain situations. I have a tendency to worry about pretty much anything you could possibly think of. This becomes a larger problem when it starts affecting my relationships and my overall lifestyle. I have this odd, physical response to extreme amounts of worry or anxiety (this response kicks in fastest when I become suspicious that my boyfriend is going to cheat on me) where I become extremely nauseous and sometimes hypervenelate, sometimes I get worked up to the point where I've thrown up. Since I've come back to school, I've been having panic attacks over a variety of things: worrying about the season and fearing that I will not do better than I did last year even though I have been preparing all summer, panicking over my school schedule that will start in 3 weeks, freaking out that I'm going to have to go through another stressful year of college, and constantly freaking out about my boyfriend and being afraid that he is going to cheat on me. Therefore, I have been feeling physically ill for the last week or so at all times and I can't stop. There's really no way to calm down when I feel sick from this, I've tried distracting myself, meditation, medications, etc. When I'm feeling sick from this, I lose all appetite for pretty much the rest of the day, I lose all motivation to do anything, and I can't fall asleep.
I know that I've improved in my volleyball, I know that I'll be able to handle my school work efficiently, and I know that my boyfriend loves me as a friend and a lover and would never do something like that to me. It's just I worry about it so much and that I'm so afraid of not being good enough and I am so insecure about myself and everything I do that I'm scared to death that I'm going to mess things up with him and something's going to go wrong. But that's the catch, my worrying about our relationship leads me to bring it up to him all the time and he keeps reassuring me that everything is fine and I believe it. He's told me every single time that our relationship is absolutely perfect except for the fact that I worry all the time about it.
On Friday my boyfriend had a party at his apartment after I left to celebrate him getting a new job and moving out. The next morning, they found out that one of the guys at the party (a friend I've known since I was 7) killed himself in his car in front of their apartment. This is also adding to the stress of everything, on top of the fact that my boyfriend told me this morning that he is now going to have a girl rooming in his bedroom with him because she has no other place to stay. He assures me that nothing will happen because she also has a boyfriend (which I found is untrue). Needlesstosay, I have been vomitting the entire day because this news is extremely upsetting. Right now he is at work so I can't really talk with him about it and work more things out.
Overall, I've been having an absolutely terrible time and I can't stop worrying about every little thing. I researched stuff about how to deal with worrying like this and have tried to implement them, but all it does it stress me out more about it. I really need advice about what to do with this situation and I really need to stop worrying to the point of getting sick because it's extremely unhealthy and dangerous. I also want to be able to calm down about my boyfriend and trust in him and not be so attached. I don't know why this happens and how to get it to stop and I really need it to stop. Any help will be fantastic. Thanks.
‘That is indeed a long post. It all comes down that you severely suffer from anxiety and that you don’t seem to be able to do anything about it.
The point is that suffering from anxiety attacks appears to be a problem of the mind, but the reality is that it is a problem of the body. You are simply overproducing stress hormones, quite unrelated to what is going on in your environment. It is an illness, most probably due to hypoglycemia (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/2011/what-is-hypoglycemia/
This can be treated by going on a hypoglycemic diet (http://www.hypoglycemia.asn.au/2011/the-hypoglycemic-diet/
It is also explained in
Beating Anxiety and Phobias
You need to understand, that having an excess of stress hormones will undermine your self-esteem. This will also affect your relationship with your boyfriend. No amount of his assurances is going to convince you that he will remain loyal to you for ever. Moreover, a low self-esteem has an element of self-fulfilling prophesy that cannot be allay by assurances given by your boyfriend.
You may also like to read: Romantic Rejection: Trigger for Depression
You will find that when you go on the hypoglycemic diet, you will start to feel calmer, but it essential that you rebuilt your self-esteem by completing our self-help psychotherapy course. This can be studied in about nine weeks. You’ll find the course at
I suggest you do the course together with your boyfriend, so that you both know what is going on.
I hope I have been of some help. Let me know how you go?
Jurriaan Plesman BA (Psych) Post Grad Dip Clin Nutrition
Editor of the Hypoglycemic Association of Australia
My Articles: http://www.curezone.org/upload/PDF/Articles/jurplesman/ArticlesbyJurriaanPlesman
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