Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 1/25/2008

Question
I'm a 32 year raised catholic and I recently fell in love with a Muslim. I have been reading the Qur'an and I noticed the importance of not having premarital sex.  My boyfriend and I do not have sexual relations. Although I do not know if he is a virgin, I am certainly not, as I have offended God in the past and I truly regret it. Does this mean that I will never be able to marry my Muslim boyfriend? Is it true that a non-virgin Muslim cannot marry?

Answer
Greetings Geraldine, and thanks for your question. Also, my apologies for any delay in responding; it seems I was facing 'technical difficulties,' and didn't get several questions until just recently.

It's not often I get questions as frank as yours on this particular area of relationships.  However, I think I can be of help.  As you know, the Catholic church also has placed quite an importance on not having premarital sex, in a way not unlike that of the Qur'an and Islam.  As I imagine you are aware, there are many Catholic young adults, as well as many Muslim young adults, who are still sexually active outside of marriage.

I understand these texts and teachings to be influencing the way you and your boyfriend relate to one another now, in your decision not to be sexually active.  This is certainly helpful in developing a deep mutual respect for one another, as well as laying a strong foundation for a solid future relationship, getting to know each other better first.

In the meantime, not to worry.  There is nothing that would prohibit your boyfriend from marrying.  Often enough, religious texts advise that the best response to a sexual relationship outside of marriage is to get married, so that you have the commitment to one another and to providing for any children that may come out of the relationship.  There is also no prohibition from within Islam preventing you from marrying him; the concerns are about raising children within the faith, as it does in Catholicism.  There are ways you can honor these teachings by raising children to respect both traditions.

So, I hope this puts your mind at ease and you continue to work on building a relationship built on good communication and respect for each other's persons and backgrounds.  I wish you the best of luck!

peace,

Le Anne