Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 11/16/2008

Question
QUESTION: Dear lady ,

salam ,i would like to tell you my story .. im an arab man and i met one lady from ukraine through internet .. and we talked for like 7 months ... then i visited her in ukraine .. and we fall in love ... and when i got back here to my home country .. i missed her alot ... and we still talking till now .. and we both are in love ...

the problem is im muslim and she is christian ... and i think my family wont accept this ... she is very intrested in islam .. and she likes it alot .. but i dont want to force her being muslim .. because its not right doing this in islam .. but im sure that my family wont accept her if she is not muslim ...

her family accepted me as a person and they like me alot .. but i didnt even tell my family about her .. only my brother knows i went to see her but not as a wife just as a friend .

by the way im 25 years old and she is 21 ..

so can you please help me in this ... ?



ANSWER: Greetings Mahmood, and thanks for your question.  Fortunately, there is no Muslim prohibition against a Muslim man marrying a Christian woman, and no requirement for her to convert.  If her family is supportive, this is also good.  

It might be good for you to find a person with wasta--influence--to help your case with your family.  For example, a moderate imam would be very helpful, someone who is quite knowledgeable about the hadith and the Prophet's own marriage to a Christian woman (Maryam).

It will probably also help for your lady to demonstrate her willingness to learn as much as possible about your religion and her respect for your family and its heritage.  And do the same for her family.  Honoring the families through self-education goes a long way towards building bridges.

Good luck to you, I hope this helps!

peace,

Le Anne

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear LeAnne ,

thanks for ur answer ...

i just want to tell you that she is saying that its hard for her now to convert to islam .. because she is still tuddying and she is still living there with her family ... also when i talked to her about the dress style .. i mean i dont want her to dress like shorts and short skirts ... she was sad ... and she told me ok .. but she told me she dont wanna wear hejab .. because she tried it and she didnt like it ... also she wants to stay christian after the marriege ... and she said i will teach her islam and make her muslim ...

so i asked ... what if u didnt want islam after marriege .... she answered with ( i donno ) ...

any how she is coming in the end of this year ...

so can you tell me the way i deal with her .. i mean how to explain my feelings and how family wants me to get married .... ?

im so sad ... i love her alot ... but some times when i think ... i say why not to leave her and maybe my life will be more easier ...

please help me if u can ..?

Answer
Greetings Mahmoud, and thanks for your question.  Basically, since Islam says she doesn't need to convert and that a Muslim man and Christian woman may marry, I understand that your primary concern is the wishes of your parents.

Perhaps the best thing that can be done is for your parents to meet this woman and have a chance to talk together, before you make any final decisions.  Again, it would be good to have a moderate imam available to visit with your family also and help you to have the conversation.  

It's important to her happiness that she is the one to choose how she will dress--if she feels forced to adapt, the marriage may not last long. But she may choose freely; give her time to make up her mind.  In the end, only honest discussion between the two of you and your family after she's had time to visit and experience your culture will answer the questions you have of each other, and whether you should proceed with a marriage.

Good luck to you, and I hope this helps!

peace,

Le Anne