Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 12/4/2008

Question
my boyfriend is a Lebanese Christian whose family is very traditional. I am an
American and his family does not approve of him dating a non Lebanese
woman. We have been dating for 3 years and we want his family to accept
our relationship. However he has already left 4 other girls due to his family
disaproval. How can we convince them of the importance of our relationship
without destroying family ties. They have never met me and already have
made a decision about us.

Answer
Greetings Rachel, and thanks for your question.  It certainly sounds like a difficult situation!

I noticed with particular interest that your guy's parents have never met you and have already made a decision about your relationship.  I think it would be important for you to meet them.  This is especially true if you've been dating this long.  Up until now, this is an abstract concept for his parents; but a smiling sweet face makes a situation pretty concrete; and it often melts hard hearts.

There are lots of things also that you can do to help his family accept you.  Study up on Lebanese culture, religion, food, music; and try to learn a little Arabic.  Lebanon is actually an easy culture for Americans to get into as far as Middle Eastern countries are concerned.  

Overall though, this will take a lot of strength and courage from your guy; ultimately, he will have to stand up to his parents--which is admittedly difficult--if he wants to keep you.  But if he believes this relationship is important, and he has your support, he can do this--and they will come around eventually, even if its after the marriage.  Grandchildren also have a way of softening hard stances.

So, it's possible; but it will take a lot of work.  And it's likely his parents have friends that have similar family situations.  Lots of Lebanese have married Americans and it's worked out before; no better or worse than many other kinds of marriages.

Good luck to you, and I hope this helps!

peace,

Le Anne