Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 12/7/2008

Question
Hi,

I guess I will give a little history.I am a male (black) who has fallen in love with a beautiful girl that is half sudanese and russian. We both share strong feelings for each other and I truly love her deeply. Though news about our relationship is not public, she told me recently about how her dad wants her to end up with an arabic man because he feels that only an arabic man can make her happy. She feels that he will not accept me if I am not arabic. I recently found out from my parents that i do have some arabic in mmy blood. From my mom, her dad was half sudanese and from my dad his mom was lebanese. I told her this and she doesnt know if that information will mean anything to her dad. She is questioning a future for us even though I told her that when that time comes we can work through it and help him understand and accept me. She is sure that he would like me as a person but not someone to marry his daughter. I understand the arab culture somewhat, and am planning on learning more about it. Do you see future complications for myself and her? Do you think that she should have doubts because of her fathers wishes?

Answer
Greetings Drew, and thanks for your question.  Parents can be so difficult, even in these times!  

Basically, on a genetic, geographic, and cultural level, this relationship can work.  You can build a relationship with her as well as her father/family and build it first from what you have in common--your love for this girl, and then your common heritage.

In the meantime, you can study up and learn as much as possible about her family's home, culture, food, language, history, religion, etc.--so that you have more to talk about and understand as you build these bridges.

However, this will take a lot of strength and courage from your girl to stand up to her father in this situation.  Sometimes saying 'my family won't accept you' is a way of saying 'I'm not interested in taking this to a long-term relationship, but I don't know how to say no without hurting you.'  Make sure you give her the space to say this if she needs to.  But if she's certain that she wants a relationship with you and it's only the parents standing in the way, then you've got the tips above that will help you on your way.

Good luck to you, and I hope this helps!

peace,

Le Anne