Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 12/15/2008

Question
Hello, my name is Samuel. I am a 14 year old Lebanese boy. I am very embarresed to ask this though, is masturbation acceptable in Lebanese culture, and how can I quit. I am catholic so I know it is a sin.

Answer
Greetings Samuel, and thanks for your question.  I know this is a rather difficult and controversial topic, but I will try my best.

Generally speaking, masturbation is not a polite topic in Lebanese or many other societies; even in the United States a lot of people don't want to talk about it.  Many religions also condemn it as a sin.  All that said, I've never known a person that was able to quit, particularly a young person; and masturbation is something that probably almost everyone does.

Here are some of the questions we learn to ask in pastoral care training when someone is troubled about their personal life in this way:

--Is doing this impairing your ability to talk with and develop healthy, respectful relationships with people of the opposite gender?

--If or when you have a girlfriend, are you able to accept her for who she is, or is the fantasy image you develop interfering with your ability to respect this woman?

--Is doing this beginning to interfere with your ability to function in daily life, such as your work, your family relationships, your studies?

These are the signs that something in your life is becoming a serious problem, and that is when you should seek out some kind of counseling help. These are also the root concerns behind whether an action is a sin--if it hurts your relationships with others and with God.  But do talk to someone you trust if this is troubling you a great deal. Sometimes good advice can come from an older male relative you trust, such as an uncle, or perhaps your father if you can talk about other things.  Otherwise, talking to the priest during confession is not a bad idea; especially if he is a good priest.

Good luck to you, and I hope this helps!

peace,

Le Anne