Expert: Jamshaid Zubairee - 5/11/2008

Question
QUESTION: hello lee ann
i was wondering if you can answer my question about arranged mariages.ok well i kind of went through one a couple of months ago ,but not like in a way of being forced by parents or anything but i was brought to it slowly with my choice with my friend and my parents.well now im writing a paper about it in english but i cant seem to relate to any of the info im getting i was wondering if u can give me some info that u know about it maybe it will help me with my paper.thanks so mch
-sofia-

ANSWER: Hi Sofia
Firstly keep in mind that The Bible in Leviticus 20:21 allows for parents to marry their children:
http://www.answering-christianity.com/abrogation_in_bible.htm#marriage_with_chil
Now
There is a difference b/w an ARRANGED marriage and a FORCED marriage. Every forced marriage is an arranged marriage but every arranged marriage is NOT a forced marriage, for example my parents marriage was an ARRANGED marriage but it was NOT a FORCED marriage.
Sofia ARRANGED marriage is allowed in Islam but FORCED marriage is NOT allowed in Islam except in some cases (keep in mind that Love marriage is NOT always allowed in Islam for example if a girl want to marry a non-Muslim and so many other cases explained by Great Islamic scholar Maulana Syed Abu-al-Aala Maudoodi in his book "Pardah" and in Different Volumes of “Rasayl wa Masayl” you can download these books from following links)
Pardah
http://www.quranurdu.com/books/urdu_books/
Rasayl wa Masayl
http://www.esnips.com/doc/af5ec55c-9d5a-4250-b658-c406e5c9bbc2/Rasayl-wa-Masayl-
http://www.esnips.com/doc/bb36a4c9-6887-42bd-ab30-6645b9e81030/Rasayl-wa-Masayl-
http://www.esnips.com/doc/ab6b5e29-e689-4cc6-89b6-fc813666a6a4/Rasayl-wa-Masayl-
http://www.esnips.com/doc/b089d119-e913-489f-8199-f6f5763471a1/Rasayl-wa-Masayl-
http://www.esnips.com/doc/dea01714-950b-4c67-9342-36e72972aad6/Rasayl-wa-Masayl-
These books will open with Adobe Reader that you can download from:
http://www.adobe.com/products/acrobat/readstep2.html
You can find in these books THE WISDOM OF ARRANGED MARRIAGE and some simple logic are here:
1-Young children are immature, they don't have experience of practical life so most probably they will make some wrong decision (and as it is a matter of whole life so it is very important). He or she will marry with some wrong person and it is more important in case of female that a male if you see the society.
I will give you only one example and will leave the rest on your imagination for example if a girl marries with a  greedy boy who want to marry her only for “Jaheez” the what will happen, her parents will have to spend a lot of money and if still if they can’t fulfill their desires then they will keep their daughter happy and in addition to this she will NOT get true love throughout life and if she gets divorced (that is the most probable result) then it will cause a VERY HIGH DIVORCE RATE in society that is easily seen in western societies where love marriages are common. And 2nd marriages are not so easy parent don’t have enough money to give so much “Jaheez’ again and WHO WANTS TO MARRY A DIVORCED WOMAN????????  Particularly in Pakistan and India……..
I am a Pakistani from Multan (Punjab). Such a case happened with my father’s cousin’s daughter. They married their only daughter in some unknown people and now those people are saying that they will let her to live in house only IF SHE BRINGS WHOLE PROPERTY OF HER FATHER!!!!!!! Now tell me if these people give their entire property to their son-in-law they what will do for their own livelihood because they live in village and are poor farmers.
2-When a girl or a boy fall in love with each other they will over look their faults and will try to marry AS SOON AS POSSIBLE  but after marriage how long you can over look you husbands bad habits/faults so again IT WILL END IN DIVORCE.
3-YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT YOUR ENEMIES (keep in mind that if get some success in this world there are ONLY TWO personalities in this world who will be really happy, they are your teachers and your parents) so they will try their best to find a good person for you, whit whom you have to live your whole life.
We have enjoined on man kindness to parents: but if they (either of them) strive (to force) thee to join with Me (in worship) anything of which thou hast no knowledge, obey them not. Ye have (all) to return to me, and I will tell you (the truth) of all that ye did. Quran 29:8
Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord.   (Bible Colossians 3:20)

So obey them may be Allah get pleased with you and give  
These love marriages are a major factor contributing to such a high divorce rate in western countries.
The part below is taken from http://www.answering-christianity.com/cant_force_marriage.htm
Why a woman can’t be forced to marry in Islam.
Abu Huraira (Allah be pleased with him) reported Allah's Messenger (May peace be upon him) as having said: "A woman without a husband (or divorced or a widow) must not be married until she is consulted, and a virgin must not be married until her permission is sought. They asked the Prophet of Allah (may peace be upon him): How her (virgin's) consent can be solicited? He (the Holy Prophet) said: That she keeps silence.  (Translation of Sahih Muslim, The Book of Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 008, Number 3303)"

Allah Almighty said in the Noble Quran:  "O ye who believe! Ye are forbidden to inherit women against their will. Nor should ye treat them with harshness that ye may take away part of the dower [money given by the husband to the wife for the marriage contract] ye have given them, except where they have been guilty of open lewdness; on the contrary live with them on a footing of kindness and equity. If ye take a dislike to them it may be that ye dislike a thing, and God brings about through it a great deal of good.  (The Noble Quran, 4:19)"
The following Saying is an explanation to Noble Verse 4:19:
Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: "About the Quranic verse: 'It is not lawful for you forcibly to inherit the woman (of your deceased kinsmen), nor (that) ye should put constraint upon them.' When a man died, his relatives had more right to his wife then her own guardian. If any one of them wanted to marry her, he did so; or they married her (to some other person), and if they did not want to marry her, they did so. So this verse was revealed about the matter.  (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2084)"  So according to Noble Verse 4:19, a woman can not be forced into marriage by any mean.
Narrated AbuHurayrah: "The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: An orphan virgin girl should be consulted about herself; if she says nothing that indicates her permission, but if she refuses, the authority of the guardian cannot be exercised against her will.  (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2088)"
Narrated Abdullah ibn Umar: "The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: Consult women about (the marriage of) their daughters.  (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2090)"
Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: "A virgin came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) allowed her to exercise her choice.  (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2091)"
Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: "The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: A guardian has no concern with a woman previously married and has no husband, and an orphan girl (i.e. virgin) must be consulted, her silence being her acceptance.  (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2095)"
The above Noble Verse 4:19 and the Sayings of our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him clearly explain that according to Islam, whether the woman is virgin or not, her permission is a MUST.   Her father or older brother can not force her into marriage as the Pagan Arabs and the Jews and Christians before Islam in the Middle East used to do; see Deuteronomy 25:5 in the Bible to see how women are forced into marriage.

Can the woman divorce herself from a forced marriage upon her?
As we've seen above, it is clearly forbidden in Islam to force women into marriage.   But in case this ever should happen or have happened already to any woman, then Islam allows for her to divorce herself from the man she was forced to marry.  Let us read the following:
Narrated Abdullah ibn Abbas: "A virgin came to the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) and mentioned that her father had married her against her will, so the Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) allowed her to exercise her choice.  (Translation of Sunan Abu-Dawud, Marriage (Kitab Al-Nikah), Book 11, Number 2091)"
The choice that our beloved Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him gave to the woman is she can either remain married to the man, or divorce herself from him.  
You can find some good Islamic books at
http://www.esnips.com/user/Jam2000
http://www.quranurdu.com/books/urdu_books/
A lot of material on comparative status of women on Islam and Christianity at:
http://www.answering-christianity.com/woman.htm (keep in mind that I don't agree with all the views of osama Abdullah and his fellows expressed on this site on Women and Sects in Islam because most of the knowledge he gains about sects comes from internet and different sorts of media and something is NOT true only because it is present on internet, you must check the source of that infofmation, so keep in mind that any thing is not right only because itis present on internet. Always read books of Authentic Islamic Scholars like Maulana Maudoodi, Dr Zakir Naik, Ahmad deedat,Dr. Israr Ahmad etc)
If you still have any question, feel free to contact me.
May Allah guide you to the true path!
Best Wishes
Jamshaid Zubairee



---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: thanks so much lee Ann i actually have four pages of writing about this topic thanks to you ...um since you know so much about marriages ..well my sister her name is Maroa and she is 20 years old my sister got married at the age of 18 and it was a arranged marriage by my dad's sister..my sister liked the guy and wanted to marry him well i thought it was a bad idea because he was 32 years old and they were more than ten years apart and i thought that it wouldn't work out and they'd get divorce and well two years later they eventually got a divorce .And now as you know Muslim  girls can not live alone when they are divorced so she has come back to live with us ..let me get to my question loll. well she is my older sister and i also have a younger sister they are now in the same situation (not divorce) but they both are interested in meeting people like guys of of the Internet ... and i was wondering if it is Haram or not allowed in islam.my younger sister is in love with the guy she has been talking to for the last three to four months so when i talked to her about it she gets mad so i just want to make sure if it is ok and if it is i will sop bothering  her about it

Answer
Salaam

Sofia, firstly I want to tell you that my name is Jamshaid Zubairee NOT lee Ann. lee Ann had sent your question to question pool. I am a Pakistani MBBS student at NUST.

Secondly, you have NOT read my answer and asked a follow up, Keep in mind that if you want to understand Islam you will have to switch off your TV and read authentic books; see below

http://www.quranurdu.com/books/urdu_books/

my age is 20 and I have got all this from books that I have read during past 7 years.

Now I come to your question you said that your sister’s marriage was failed because it was an arranged marriage and your parents overlooked the age difference, although your parents did that was wrong but keep in mind that there can be so many other causes of  divorce; for example
1-   Your sister’s husband may have a  sexual problem, why he was unmarried until the age of 32?????????  because today everything in society is so advanced that I don't think any valid reason for not marrying until the age of 32. Try to ask this fact from your sister.
2-   Almost all the (more than 80%) LOVE MARRIAGES  end in divorce in western countries then you think LOVE MARRIAGE SHOULD BE BANNED. If your sister got divorced then it doesn't mean that we should ban arranged marriages. Arranged marriages have so many benefits that I have told you previously.
3-   Keep in mind that YOUR PARENTS ARE NOT YOUR ENEMIES, they will find a good person for you.
Chating with guys on internet is not allowed in Islam.


33:32 O wives of the Prophet! You are not like any of the [other] women, provided that you remain [truly] conscious of God. Hence, BE NOT OVER-SOFT IN YOUR SPEECH, lest any whose heart is diseased should be moved to desire [you]: but, withal, speak in a kindly way.

This message is for all Muslim not only for wives of prophet because wives of prophet pbuh did not had a “Special Fault” that god sent this message for them.
If you further need my help feel free to contact me at

Jamshaid_iqbal2000@yahoo.com

May Allah guide you the true path.
Jamshaid