Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 5/18/2008

Question
I am a latin guy who has been knowing a middle eastern girl for about a year
now. We get along great as friends for now, and im interested in dating her
now. The thing is that the latin/middle eastern(she's lebanese) deal is
somewhat of a barrier and her parents are Extremely protective of her. She
cannot go out past dark, anywhere with a guy, it has to be with female friends
and groups. I do see her in school and this fall we will be having classes
together. She is christian actually but I do see it as extremely difficult to have
something with her seeing how strict her parents are and that we are not
exactly of the same cultural background, although im willing to do whatever
it takes and whatever sacrifice for her. Any suggestions?

Answer
Greetings Michael, and thanks for your question.  It's true that some families are very protective of their daughters, regardless of religious background.  You've actually mentioned the restrictions/ guidelines that you will have to meet in order to date this girl.  You'll have to have her home before dark; and you'll have to go out as a group instead of as a couple alone.  You don't mention in your letter how old you both are, but I'm going to guess high school or college in the same town as you live.  Most likely, you should not plan on having a physical relationship with this girl unless you move forward to a point of getting engaged and planning to get married.

The best thing you could do is to meet her parents in their home, and possibly along with your parents as well.  Parents need to be assured that whoever is interested in their daughter comes from a good family.  Also, it may be that you and others could socialize at her house, where everyone will be within her parents' supervision and they will feel more assured about the situation.  Your cultural background may actually be an asset to her parents--depending on how conservatively/ traditional you were also raised, you and her parents might find a lot of common ground.

Since you'll be seeing her in school in the fall, take the time then to talk with her directly.  Be honest about how you feel; and try to get a good sense from her whether she's willing to persue a relationship with you, because you will need her to talk with her parents towards arranging a meeting with you and your family.  It may be at this point she's not willing to go through with that, and you will want to respect her wishes.  If that happens, try to be a good friend regardless.  Sometimes time and a few more years help matters quite a bit--especially after a child has been in college a while, parents tend to view them more as responsible adults.

I hope this helps!  Best of luck to you!

peace,

Le Anne