Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 7/6/2008

Question
is it true that when you gat married that it is to your 1st cousin in which on your wedding night he covers the bed with white towels to catch your blood of pureness then takes it to his family and show to everyone if no blood then you get killed cause you are no virgin


Answer
Greetings Tabita, and thanks for your questions.  And my apologies for my delay, since there seems to have been a computer glitch.  Technology is not always helpful!

I see that you have asked a few questions, and I will try my best to answer them.  The first question is whether Arabs marry their first cousins.  It is true that some families practice first cousin marriage, but others do not.  It all depends on the family (both immediate and extended), as well as the customs of the village, town, or city they live in.  Many Arab families do still look to arrange marriages for their children, following the belief that the parents will find the most responsible partner to provide the most successful marriage. The arranged marriages may include distant relatives, or they may be other people known to the family and held in high regard. On the other hand, an increasing number of families allow the children to seek out their own partners.

The second question regards 'virginity testing,' which has been a long-standing custom in many cultures.  Some families do still practice this, as a status symbol for the virility of the husband and the "purity" of the wife.  However, it is beginning to fall out of favor because it is not very reliable anymore.  Young women who are active in sports, use tampons during their menstrual periods, or whose vaginas are larger than their husband' penises, are not likely to bleed on their wedding night.  There are a number of Arab women's human rights organizations and societies that are trying to build awareness around this issue.  In the meantime, individual women have tried several different strategies, such as cutting themselves on their wedding night, or sometimes having surgery to make the entrance to their vagina temporarily smaller so that they will bleed and satisfy the husband's family.  It would be better however, if this practice was done away with altogether.

Women Against Violence is an example of an Arab women's organization working on this issue.  You can learn more about them at:
http://www.wavo.org

I hope this helps!  Please let me know if you have further questions I may help with.  

peace,

Le Anne