Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 9/29/2008

Question
QUESTION: hello

im catholic,my man is muslim.he wants us to have a muslim religious marriage-nikkah with an contract,and witnesses.we both live in republic of ireland.
im irish and here is my question if we get married at home and witnesses and we sign the contract--will it be valid?
can he then gain my nationality?
he says no,but he wants to be with me ,and when with time he gets his irish papers then we have civil marriage according to irish law.
how valid then will be religious marriage?just for us and allah?
he says he can divorce me and he gives me a right in contract to divorce him.
he just want to be with me according to God.
i want to be with him as well,i just wonder if it is really for us or for gaining papers.just to be sure.

ANSWER: Hi Sonia, thanks for your question.  Unfortunately, I do not know what constitutes a marriage which is valid for immigration status or legally binding in Irish law.  I do know that a Muslim religious ceremony can be done in the U.S. where you bring the county marriage license to the cleric to be signed, along with any Muslim religious contract.  With the license, the marriage is legally binding.  It would be good for you to get a lawyer specializing in immigration law to answer these points for you--and you will need him if you are planning to stay with this guy long enough for him to get Irish citizenship.

Now, it's odd that the guy brings up that you each can divorce the other.  There is a 'temporary marriage' within Islam that some guys will use to rationalize a short-term commitment; in extreme cases it is used to rationalize prostitution.  Generally, Muslim women's groups are against this practice.  Your guy sounds like he's planning on the longer-term, more formal marriage, but it's always good to know pitfalls that can be out there.  

If you feel unsure that your guy is interested in marriage for you as a couple or just to get papers, it would be wise also to invest in a good pre-marriage counselor.  Most clergy no longer conduct wedding ceremonies without at least three sessions.  

I hope that this helps!  Good luck to you!

peace,

Le Anne

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: hello

if somebody is divorced by talag--saying that to his wife three times(what are consequences of it),and to public like family ,neighbours and qwadi knows that as well,but there is no like a written notice for it.is it valid then?

what about a child who is under two years old,a boy....with whom he supposed to stay with.father yemeni,mother muslim too but lives in france.baby was born in france,so has french nationality.and yemeni.

what about the formal divorce,if that happens---will father has more rights for a baby then not divorcing mother of the child completly?
can she send a paper from court that she dont want a child?

what are consequences for a child when parents have not only religious divorce--(how they know that it happened ,it could be done or said in anger,while there is no paper for that)--but formal one.
what is the best for a child.

now the baby is in yemen,mother not interested at all.
she wants to come to yemen to win a family of religious divorced hubby to win them over,to show how nice she is and spoil them with money.,so they can have a pressure on their son to come back to her.she says she wants to live in yemen to be a good muslim. she workes in different country than france and though half an hour from home in france,she visits her daughter in france twice a month.

is in that case divorce valid?
he doesnt want her,just want a son for himself,she doesnt want a son...she wants hubby back,but the son is a like a winning lottery ticket for her.

what is better in that case to divorce completely and who will get custody over 2 years old boy?they get married in yemen.

she even is saying that if he stays with her,with time he will gain french nationality.
whats the advice in that case.

Answer
Greetings Sonia, and thanks for your question.  I don't have all the answers here, but I can tell you what I do know.  

It does sound like a very upsetting and tense situation!  Indeed, the husband should get qualified legal help as soon as possible to help him accomplish what he is trying to do--finalize a divorce, and retain custody of his son.  

Whether a talag divorce is final is really up to the interpreter.  In this case, it's really best to get a divorce lawyer who can handle religious, international, and custodial issues.  

In Islam, a child under three should be kept with the mother, but after that age may go with the father in cases of divorce.  I don't know that this would be legally binding, but it is going to carry weight in Yemen.  It is also probably true that the child would get French citizenship staying with his mother; although, an immigration attorney could probably help you to see if he could file on his own based on his mother being a French citizen.

I hope this helps!  Good luck to you!

peace,

Le Anne