Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 12/1/2009

Question
hello :)
hi my name is david...here is my story
so i am a highschool student a senior now.. and i met this muslim girl in 8th grade... but i always only saw her as a friend nothing more and thats it... im not gonna lie , i am going to admit that i will always go after girls that were physiclly attractive with a bad personality...but it wasnt until two years ago when all of that changed... i started to talk to this muslim girl... her name is reem alanbari by the way...such a beautiful yet simple name... so anyway i started talking to her.. but as i said before thought that nothing would happen... at first i had a little crush on her but i thought it would go away ...but it didnt i started liking her more and more... and i felt so different .. i felt happier every time i am around her or whenever i would talk to her... i felt amazing ... ii never felt this way about a girl.. and i knew it had to mean something(im in love)...so i had told her that i really liked her... and she said that she liked me too(this was a year ago)..but that she cant go out because of her brother(he went to the same school one year older)and that if he found out he would tell her parents and she would be in trouble  and i understood that .... but then during that summer she told me something that ruined everything... she told me how she was technically engaged already!...but her dad wont let her marry until she finishes three years of med school... and that her parents dont allow her to marry a non muslim man... i asked her if there was any way to give me a chance...she says she likes me and cares about me... but since she is not willing to risk something.. does that mean she doesnt really care or what.... what can i do ... i really love her and i dont know why ...

thank you

Answer
Greetings Max, and thanks for your question. Unfortunately, this is a frequent dilemma in which many young men find themselves.  This girl does have some strong familial and cultural barriers to contend with, and is not available to date you at this time.  You can still be friends with her, but probably not romantically involved.  It doesn't mean that she doesn't care; it's just that she recognizes what her realities currently are.

It could be that several years from now, she will be able to make other decisions, although if she is already technically engaged, this doesn't bode well for you.  My best advice in this situation is that if you love someone, let them be; if they come back to you, it was meant to be.  
Good luck to you, and I hope this helps!

peace,

Le Anne