Expert: Jamshaid Zubairee - 6/28/2009

Question
QUESTION: I converted to Islam 2 years ago at the age of 42 when I met and married a Muslim man that I dearly love but spiritually I feel empty I am isolated because the other Muslim women aren't very accepting of me because I am a second wife.  The first wife told his to divorce me or she will divorce him.  They have three children.  We have none.  I love him so much but nothing seems to be clicking and everything and i do mean everything seems to be falling apart especially me.  I am very depressed.  I listen to the quran and pray but as each day passes i feel like i am suffocating.  My husband is a very busy man and he does not give me equal nights because he says he doesn't want to make her mad or feel deserted.  I have tried to tell him how I feel but he just tells me that I should be satisfied with what Allah has given me.  Tell me why I feel so desperate.

ANSWER: Assalam-u-Alikum Sister
Sister your problem is with your personal relation with your husband and marriage into a DIFFERENT CULTURE. I am a Muslim and I do NOT recommend any converted sister to marry with a man belonging to a different culture and then go along with them and live in their native land whether it is Pakistan, Saudi Arabia or Jordan. Because it causes so many problems for such women and they face so many things.
You should have some sort of counseling sessions with some expert (I am not that).
Sister visit this website and join their mailing list to know that root of your problem is NOT in Islam but in your marriage into a different culture.
http://www.muslimconverts.com/
God bless you

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: I have thought it would be best for everyone especially me to end the relationship and we have discussed it but when it comes right down to it we desperately love each other.  I believe he would do anything for me but he doesn't seem to believe that being so lonely and away from people could make me feel like I do.  He thinks and tell me that this is just for a while and any time now Allah is going to make this all better for us.  He really believes that we just have to do the right thing and Allah will lift this hardship.  I am beginning to feel angry all the time.  I don't know how to live like this and be ok but I don't know if I can walk away from a man I love so dearly.  Is it possible to just love someone without loving or hating their culture.  He wouldn't have to change a thing for me but I have had to change everything.  Is there anyway to save this relationship and me feel normal again.

Answer
sister it is better to shift into some western country.I remember a sister who married a Pakistani and then came in Pakistan. She suffered from such problem so they shifted in London and everything became normal. i think same would be better for you. You should shift into some place like this where you won't have such problems.
Good Luck