Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 1/17/2010

Question
Hello. I am an American woman,52 years old. I have met and fallen hopelessly in
love with a young man from Egypt. He has a green card and is hoping to
become a US citizen next year. We have fallen in love and want to marry.
He has told me that this will probably cause problems in his
family because I am not Egyptian. He finally talked to his family. He
talked to his sister first. She asked him why he didn't want
to marry a girl from Egypt. He told her he loves me. She said OK if this
will make him happy. She agreed to talk to mother. The mother almost fainted
in the floor with dispair. When he talked to het she said "NO!". He
loves his family very much and his mother is very important to him.

Please tell me if there is any argument that might help persuade her?
I know Mohamed had several wives, one of them older. But I think her
main issue is that I am not Egytian. I love this man very much. I am learning
about Arabic culture and I understand how important family is to this
culture. Please is there any argument I can use? I love this man with my
entire heart.

Thank you so much

Answer
Greetings Carol, and thanks for your question.  This is a common response from parents when their child chooses a partner that they hadn't quite envisioned.  However, if your guy is still willing to go forward with the marriage, and his sister at least is understanding, you do have some hope.  You are doing exactly the right things--trying to learn the culture and language; and finding family members who are willing to try and reason with the less reasonable relatives.  

One of the concerns his mother may be having is regarding grandchildren, and I know you don't mention your desires in this area here, but it might be good to figure out with your guy (if you haven't done so already) what  you two plan to do regarding children--and then help assure his mom (if you're planning to have them) or break the news gently (if you're not planning to have them).  Generally, even when parents object to a marriage partner, they come around when grandchildren arrive; but even without grandkids, artful diplomacy and a genuine interest in the family and above all, demonstrating that you are a loving partner who makes your spouse very happy are hard arguments to resist for long!

Good luck to you, and I hope this helps!

peace,

Le Anne