Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 1/27/2010

Question
I have known a Palestinian man for more than 25 years. We were separated because of my family being against our marriage. I am Christian. Now he is married to a Tunisian woman, his marriage is unhappy and he wants us to get married. Is it true that he can't get divorce from his wife? Is it true that I can't marry him and live with him in Palestine if I do not convert to Islaim?

Answer
Greetings Roberta, and thanks for your question.  While the cultural prohibitions are generally stronger against a young couple, the fact that you've known this guy for 25 years and he is doing the asking is a different situation.  Basically, this guy is considered old enough to do what he wants, especially in these times.  (It sounds like you have the same status with your folks at this point, since you're considering it.)

Yes, a man can get divorced, and you could indeed marry him and move to Palestine without converting to Islam.  The Prophet himself had a Christian wife, and he recommended that Jewish and Christian women not be compelled to convert, but that the children be raised to know Islam.

The best I could counsel you at this point is to just take all the important precautions when getting into a serious relationship--make sure that the divorce is properly finalized and that his partner has been treated well.  An amicable parting prevents years of strain, as well as shadow on a new relationship.  Hopefully he is not the one who has told you he can't get divorced or that you need to convert--these would be red flags warning you not to get involved.

If you've not already done so, I recommend spending some serious time with his family and close friends and getting to know them prior to a marriage.  This will ease your transition into an intercultural marriage.  Also, read as much as you can on Palestinian culture and history, and try to learn Arabic, as English is not a given.  Finally, be attentive to the situation that life in Palestine is quite hard due to the political situation, and ask yourself if you are fully prepared to live in the line of fire.  It isn't easy, and having a family there will make it quite hard for you to leave during times of intensified fighting.

All that said, I wish you the best of luck, and hope all this helps!

peace,

Le Anne