Expert: Sirine Malas - 12/18/2010

Question
My name is Ruth 34 years old,I have a relationship with a guy from Palestine we are together for 6 years he never told me that he was arrange married and has 4 kids I just find out that he was living two life he says that he can't get divorce...I don't know what to believe anymore..can he get divorce ?

Answer
Dear Ruth,

I think you are mixing up someone's culture with his religion and with his individual personality and upbringing.
I would not consider this really a cultural issue so it is outside my expertise.
Nevertheless, I will try to help.
Can he get a divorce? I mean today even Catholics are getting a divorce using different ways and means, so if it is a matter of being able to get a divorce literally I don't see why not. It depends on his religion as you know certain religions make it harder than others to get a divorce. It also depends on the marriage agreement he signed.
As the majority of Arabs are Muslim, Islam has got one of the easiest processes to get divorced. So if he is a Muslim YES he should be able to get a divorce. All it takes is to say the word and he is free.
If he is Christian on the other hand, it depends on which church he belongs to, as you may very well know.
I think the only case he wouldn't be able to get an official divorce is if he is Drooz. It is a faith followed by many Arabs who live in the mountains; it is more a tribal commitment then a religion really.
So you see it really depends on his religion and faith.
As divorce is not a small word amongst Arab communities, maybe it is not that he CAN'T maybe he is considering the hassle and trouble his family and his in laws would put him through if he tries to get a divorce. Maybe he does not want to separate from his children and does not want to be cruel to the mother of his children (she may have been a very good wife to him). These things mean a lot to many Arab men. Love and marriage is not always the same thing, which results in them ending up leading parallel lives (which is apparently the case here).

If you need any help please don't hesitate to come back to me. But try to get me as much information as possible about this person's ethnicity and religion; also does he belong to a certain tribe? Or is he urban? Is his wife his cousin?

Good luck.