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Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 4/4/2010


Question
Greetings, my partner and I are both Americans and of the Islamic faith. We've been together for about 10 years now and have a five year old son together. I keep bringing up marriage and the importance of it over the years. He admitted to me that he will not get married until he's 40, which is another 9-10 years from now. Should I wait, even though I know he is wrong?

Answer
Greetings Kari, and thanks for your question.  While you are both Muslim and Islam teaches that marriage is the only accepted path to sexual intimacy, I think that a different line of reasoning may be a better approach here.  The root question in your situation is, why do you want to get married?  A couple who has been living together and has a child together may want to get married for any or all of the following reasons:  stability, financial security, sense of religious obligation, or creating the appearance of a more traditional family arrangement.  So, one thing to ask yourself is, being totally honest with yourself, why do _you_ want to get married?  If your relationship is stable and reasonably healthy in all other ways except this disagreement over marriage, then you probably would benefit from staying together.  However, if you feel the relationship is unstable or fundamentally unhealthy and you can't imagine staying with this person for many more years, married or not, then it's probably best to end the relationship.  Marriage wouldn't 'fix' those kind of problems.

In short, his behavior doesn't make a lot of sense, but it also may not be doing a lot of harm.  If things are otherwise going well and you've made it this far and he seems otherwise committed to you, then try not to worry.  The faithfulness to each other and responsibility to your child is what matters most.

Good luck to you, and I hope this helps!

peace,

Le Anne

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Le Anne Clausen

Expertise

I can answer questions on Arab culture, including differences in cultures among Arab countries and sub-groups. I can also answer questions on Christian-Muslim relations, interfaith issues in general, and human rights and peacemaking issues in the Middle East.

Experience

I was a human rights worker for four years in the Middle East, and have spent time in Palestine, Israel, Iraq, Afghanistan, Syria, Lebanon, and Jordan. I speak intermediate Arabic; some Hebrew; and am starting Persian (Farsi, Dari). I have led a half-dozen educational delegations to the area for North American groups; and I have led trainings for nearly a thousand international human rights volunteers coming into the area over my years there. I am now working to launch an interfaith peace-teams based human rights organization, hopefully in the next two years. I am also currently editing the manuscript for my first book, a firsthand account of my time in the Middle East

Publications
"Be the Healers," (next steps after Abu Ghraib) The Lutheran magazine, July 2004. www.christian-muslim.net www.seminaryaction.org www.young-activist.blogspot.com Multiple press releases which I wrote from the field, as well as media interviews/articles about my work are also available via Google search.

Education/Credentials
I have an MA in Christian-Muslim relations; and I am now continuing my studies at Chicago Theological Seminary (www.ctschicago.edu). I also have a BA in Religion concentrating in global service, from Wartburg College, (www.wartburg.edu).

Awards and Honors
I received the Dell Award for Peace and Justice from Wartburg College. I have spoken and led workshops and trainings at over one hundred church congregations, colleges, schools, organizations

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