You are here:

Arab Culture/non-virgin muslim women

Advertisement

Expert: - 8/24/2010


Question
I am a Muslimah and sadly in my first year of high school, I began exploring sex. I knew that Muslim girls weren't alowed to have sex until they were married, so 1 day when I had went to the bathroom, I felt this pleasure down there and I touched it, once I rubbed it, it felt better. I went to my room and lyed down and kept touching it till I realized that blood started pouring down. My heart sank and I ran to the bathroom crying, scared for my life. I didn't know a girl can lose her virginity with her finger. 5 years has gone by, and I am now engaged. I told my fiance what I had done and he told me that it's ok cuz he does the same thing to himself. But just last night he told me that he feels that I told him that story to cover up from what I am really hiding, so now he believes that I am not a virgin because I have had sexual intercourse with a man before. I shed tears for him explaining that I never had sex with a man, and that I have been asking Allah (s.a.w.) for forgiveness for my ignorance of what I had done back in 9th grade. My fiance told me that I better be tight on our wedding night or he will leave me! What do I do, I WILL NOT go do a hymen repair because I know that is haram in Islam. I have already commited a sin, I will not go and commit another sin by cheating my husband and having that repair. So my question is...is there another solution to proving my man I am still a virgin other than having the hymen repair? I am getting married next month and I am so scared for my life, for my family's reputation and my my fiance's family's sake! I need help!!!

Answer
Mariam, I would recommend that you and your fiance visit your doctor and have your doctor explain to him that you cannot lose your virginity without intercourse. Once your finance hears from a medical doctor the truth he will be more understanding.  If he is not you may want to seriously consider whether you want to spend the rest of your life with a man, who will not believe and trust your word.

Any relationship that does not have trust established from the start is doomed to failure. If is not willing to believe you, then you will have problems in your marriage.  If this is not an arranged marriage you should give serious thought to not going through with it.

Arab Culture

All Answers

Answers by Expert:

Ask Experts

Volunteer

David Rababy

Expertise

Questions regarding political, military and cultural issues in the Middle East

Experience

•27+ years of experience in intelligence analysis •Coordinated the management, analysis, processing, and dissemination of strategic, operational and tactical intelligence •Conducted research & analysis of counterterrorism, and foreign military forces, operations, capabilities and trends in support of threat production •Analyzed information to assess developments, trends, and threat implications within geographical and functional areas •Compiled, collated, analyzed, produced and evaluated all-source intelligence •Subject Matter Expert on Middle East affairs (native of Lebanon)

Organizations
Disabled American Veterans (DAV) National Veteran-Owned Business Association Veterans of Foreign Wars (VFW) The American Legion The Marine Corps League The Association of Service Disabled Veterans (ASDV) Fredericksburg Small Business Association (FSBA)

Publications
Rababy, D.A., Marine Corps Intelligence, Officer Training of the Future, U.S. Army Military Intelligence magazine, May 1995 Rababy, D.A., Intelligence Support During a Humanitarian Mission, Marine Corps Gazette, February 1995 Rababy, D.A., Intelligence Support in Operations Other Than War, Small Wars Journal, October, 2005 Rababy, D.A., Cultural Intelligence Training for Military Operations, Ongoing

Education/Credentials
American Military University, Master of Arts, Political Science University of Michigan-Flint, Bachelor of Arts, History Armed Forces Staff College (JPME II) Intelligence Collection Managers Course USMC Command & Staff College Anti-terrorism Instructor Course Instructor and Curriculum Developers Course

Awards and Honors
Bronze Star Medal Joint Meritorious Service Medal Meritorious Service Medal (Third Award) Navy and Marine Corps Commendation Medal (Third Award) Combat Action Ribbon (Second Award) Armed Forces Expeditionary Medal Southwest Asia Service Medal Kuwait Liberation Medal (Kuwait and Saudi Arabia) Navy and Marine Corps Intelligence Instructor of the Year (1996)

Past/Present Clients
Jane's Information Group Klein Associates (ARA) Robotic Research

©2012 About.com, a part of The New York Times Company. All rights reserved.