Expert: Sirine Malas - 7/20/2011

Question
QUESTION: Hi you may not be able to help since we have tried it all but I thought I would ask anyway.  I have been w/my Palestinian Muslim husband for over 8 years.  We did have a son out of wedlock 3 years ago.  We secretly married w/an Imam soon after our son was born.  My husband believed enough time had passed and recently told his parents he was going to marry me and move in w/me. He has lived w/them the whole time. His mother is VERY against it to the point where she has threatend to disown him.  My husband loves his mother very much and I realized he couldn't do this so I told him we should end our relationship for the sake of his mother.  The ironic thing is me and his mother were close for awhile and not only did she confide in me that she hated her father forcing her to marry, she would also tell me wonderful love stories of friends of hers whose children married outside their culture and how happy they are now.  I want to talk to her but I don't want to make things worse nor do I think it is my place.  If you have any suggestions please help... I don't want this just for me although I reallly love and feel my husband is my soul mate but for my son.  Thanks for any help you may have.

ANSWER: Dear Natalia,
You have to realize that this is not about cultures at all this is about different religions & faiths. The easiest way is converting to Islam. At least in pretence. I think once the Mom sees yr Islam certificate she will have a 100% change of heart.
Good luck
Sirine

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: We already tried that as well.  My husband thought the same thing but she is 100% against him marrying anyone except a Palestinian Muslim, in fact she would even accept a Palestinian Christian over me after converting to Islam.  I wish what you said here is true.  I have already given up he has no support from his Arab Muslim friends or family they are all saying listen to ur mother and stay w/in ur culture.  The most ironic thing is his mother is a member of a human rights group fighting to end discrimination against Arabs.  Its so hurtful that she would tell me how beautiful Islam is but she is willing to disown her son because he wants to marry me and raise his son. At this point I just feel sorry for my son and her because she will have to answer one day to God for this.  I hope in ur profession in speaking w/other Arab Muslims you can educate them on how wrong it is and it is my prayer that Arab Muslims who continue w/this behavior are held accountable for the bad name they gave Islam and Arabs.

Answer
Hi Natalia,

Well this looks like it is somewhere outside my expertise, because from what I know religion is more important than decent for both Arabs & Muslims. Now if she knows that you have already got a son out of this relationship then she is obviously a very stubborn woman. I also think she may have something against you personally and she is hiding behind the culture thing coz it is a lame excuse to reject you after you have converted and become mother to her grand child.

I m sorry I can't help more than that.

I think your husband and you have got something more precious and important to think of right now that is your child, he should be his priority not his mother. And I don't think his love to his own mother is a good reason to deprive his own son from his mom.


Good luck
Cheers