Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 9/10/2007

Question
QUESTION: Hello, I recently went to visit my Arabic teacher (who is much older than myself) for the first time, but I felt like the meeting went awkwardly. He seemed uncomfortable during the meeting. Is it bad culturally for a woman to approach an Arabic man? Was I breaching a social barrier by coming to visit and "get to know" him, as is common in western culture? Please help! Thanks!

ANSWER: Greetings Mary, and thanks for your question.  It's quite possible that a social barrier was breached by your going to visit him, especially if other people were not present.  Generally, there is a separation between genders.  It's also good not to touch (unless a hand is offered to shake, then only briefly), and not to make direct eye contact.  It's also good to be modest in your clothing--no low necklines or hemlines above the knee; try not to show too much skin.  Jeans and a sweater are fine, or slacks and a button-down shirt.  It's good not to ask too many personal questions about his home life; let him offer much of this 'private' information.

I wonder what the arrangements for your lessons will be?  Are you in a group class or is it one-on-one? Are the lessons offered in a home or in a classroom? Is this in the U.S., or is it in an Arab country? It may be a good idea in an individual situation to ensure that his wife or daughter is around, or a friend of yours, etc. to maintain a sense of propriety.  This will help both of you to be more comfortable.  

Hope this helps!  Please let me know if there's anything else I can help with.  

peace,

Le Anne

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Thanks for your reply Le Anne. In response to your questions, the lessons are part of a small college in the US, classes offered ina  class room. Would it be appropriate to visit again, drop in and say Hi?  

Take care,
Mary

Answer
Greetings Mary, thanks for your note.  Hmm...I'd say if you go, try to bring a classmate along of either gender, and only visit him at his office on campus.  Definitely don't visit at home unless invited and 'chaperoned.'  This should make him and you both more comfortable.

hope this helps!

peace,
Le Anne