Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 8/31/2006

Question
I am a 16 yr old black male and have a few questions about Middle-Eastern relationships. Are black men accepted as relationship partners? How do the parents usually feel? Do the girls like black men or prefer their own race? I have a middle-eastern friend who wants to 'hook' me up with his attractive cousin and I just wanted to verify a few questions I had from certain rumours.  

Answer
Hi Drew, thanks for your question.

Within the Middle Eastern community, which is quite diverse, there are a range of responses to interracial dating.  Some of the factors I can see in your described situation include whether the family lives in the West or in their home countries, whether the parents consider themselves modern or traditional, and age of the partners involved.  

It is true that there can be racism and stereotyping with some families, who would either want their child to marry someone of their own race, or 'whiter'/more European, thinking this would give their child more opportunity or respectability.  However, North Africans are considered Arab and/or are considered as worthy of respect, and dating would not be seen as a problem.  

What seems to be moving positively in your situation is that the male relative accepts you and is inviting you to meet his cousin--this does not usually happen lightly!  A good way to gauge the family's interest is to have your male friend bring you by the family's house and introduce you as his friend to the parents.  Dress nicely, and engage the parents in conversation about themselves, demonstrating your positive qualities and respect for them and their culture.  Be polite, but do not show a lot of interest in the girl right away.  Some time after the visit, your friend can check in with the family about whether a dating relationship would be welcomed.  This would be impeccable Middle Eastern manners.

Another factor to consider is that Middle Eastern families generally are quite conservative about their daughters' socializing with the opposite sex.  They will likely want to know that you will not be promiscuous/ overly physically affectionate with their daughter, and if they are more modern, they will want to know you will not interfere with her education and career aspirations.  So, do keep this in mind, ask for pointers from your friend, and if you feel up to the challenge, I wish you good luck and much happiness!

peace,

Le Anne