Expert: Le Anne Clausen - 4/11/2007

Question
hi,
i'm a western girl and i'm planning to get married to my arab boyfriend. can you help me by telling about the marriage process in arab culture please? thanks a lot!  

Answer
Hi Aisha, and thanks for your question.  Arab weddings can vary quite a bit depending on the country, urban or rural area, level of traditionalism/conservatism, and the family preference.  I am most familiar with Palestinian and Iraqi weddings.  

Often the women and men celebrate in separate guest halls, with the groom being allowed to enter the women's hall to enjoy the dancing.  Sometimes there is food for everyone; in other weddings, either the men or women just drink coffee while the other gender feasts.  Or perhaps there will only be a feast for the family.  

One of the prettiest parts I've enjoyed is the showing of the bride's wardrobe, a more recent and urban tradition I think, where she gets 3-4 formal dresses in addition to her white (Victorian) gown, and dances for all her friends in each gown.  The final gown at the end of the wedding is black, to show her grief at departing her family's home.  Usually, women do not smile in their wedding pictures, as a show of devotion to their parents, and their own chaste upbringing.

But to back up a bit, usually, in the presence of a Muslim cleric or city magistrate, you will sign the terms of your wedding contract--a rather helpful assertion of your rights as the woman in the marriage, similar to the pre-nupital agreements in the West.  They should entitle you to keep your entire dowry (usually a substantial amount of gold, or anything you buy with it), if you are ever divorced.  You should be allowed to write in any other arrangements you feel appropriate as a condition of marriage.  

At the wedding, if it is a Muslim wedding, you will have the Qur'an cited over you, and a blessing, with witnesses from your family; then, your husband will present you with the gold; then you dance.

Prior to the wedding, you may gather with your friends (or your female in-laws) as a sort of bridal shower--you'll be painted with henna, 'bathed' (this can get as involved as you are comfortable with), and given beauty treatments.  Or, you may just head to the salon with everyone and get your hair and bridal makeup done (usually, there's a _lot_ of makeup).

In some Shi'a homes, I witnessed a bridal shower where foods and spices held to be good luck were arranged beautifully on a platter and presented to the bride and displayed in the parent's home.
Here are some sites with accounts you might be interested in; they really span from favorable to frustrated, and country to country.  

A more frustrated woman in Morocco:
http://www.aqoul.com/archives/2006/02/upon_weddings_a.php

A Palestinian woman writes more favorably (scroll down for article)
http://www.suite101.com/article.cfm/arab_culture_and_identity/29468

A more formal explanation from a wedding service provider:
http://www.videobabylon.ca/arabic_wedding_traditions.html

Here's a woman who covers several countries (scroll down again to get to the article)
http://www.zawaj.com/weddingways_main.html

And here's a listing of merchants and supplies, etc. As well as some more on customs in different places:
http://www.askginka.com/nationality/arabic_middleeastern.htm

Enjoy!  Hope this helps, and let me know if you have other questions.

peace,

Le Anne