Expert: Timmy Chou - 12/6/2004

Question
I work in a retail store as an associate. I'm currently working with a female associate (who we'll call "Sara"), is very mean spirited and bossy even though she does not hold a position higher than mine. She acts nice towards me when management is out of sight. then she reverts to nothing short of a bitch when management or other employees are not around. The women rule this store and have even gotten men fired by screaming sexual harrassment. I'm afraid that if I confront her she go directly to management and accuse me of intimidation/harrassment. Management is all female as well and they are more sympathetic towards women.  

Answer
Thank you for your question!

Mediators act as neutral third parties to disputes and never "get involved" in judging the merits of conflict, but merely use special techniques to help the parties decide how to negotiate their own settlement.

The case you describe here is very typical and can be considered a "classic" office politics dispute presentation.    I cannot mediate this with you alone but I can respond to your question from my business consulting experience.
Note that this issue may have legal ramifications and you may wish to consult a labor attorney.

It may be useful for you to consider that right and wrong are not always the most useful places to begin in fixing these sorts of problems.  You are concerned that you are not being treated professionally and it seems clear that for whatever reason the organization is willing to allow the
situation.  You are probably not the first person to have this experience with Sara.  

You will have to decide if this matter is important enough to make a big deal out of as you will be at a significant disadvantage if you try to press the issue.  Everyone will have to work with powerful distasteful people at some point and I would urge you to rise above the arena that Sara promotes with her confrontive style of dealing with people.  In a way, she has set a hook and dragged you around with it.  This is a common feature of generally honest and straight forward people:  they are set off by dishonesty, abuse and unprofessionalism and can be manipulated by people since their reactions can be predicted.  Crooks and abusers will frequently take advantage of this.  Don't play along.

When normal professionslism breaks down in organizations, effective leaders don't waste time sorting out the good guys and bad guys.  It is always a "he said' she said" endless proposition.  Instead, the best way is to insert additional structure into the organization in order to provide handholds and footholds to workers, ways to measure performance (non-performers hate this and usually hang themselves with it), and mechanisms to monitor behavior and compliance by everyone.  This approach lets a boss off the hook personally as results are tabulated by the "system".

I would urge you to employ yourself, in whatever fashion you can, as much structure around your relationship with Sara as possible.  Your goal is to build a set of rules to relate to her by, and also to document your interactions with her in a way that protects you from her obvious self serving tactics.  I recommend you do this by yourself, on your own initiative, and, if necesssary, present it to her and to your supervisors as a pro-active solution that says to all concerned: I understand that my own ego is less important to the company than its own business goals and I will not wait for intervention on the part of the company but will solve the problem from the BUSINESS perspective by instituting the changes as a responsible professional.  I would document your reasons, logic and particularly your intended goals and then send them in a letter to your immediate supervisor only if necessary.  Be sure to state in some way that you are unwilling to cost the company money satisfying your personal demands for justice, but that your personal experience with the other party is one of deception and bad faith, and you prefer to rely on your structures when dealing with this other person for the good of the company, until you find a reason to be trustful of the person again.  Reassure the company that your attention is on your work and not on this dispute.  In any case, you should document carefully your experience in a "diary" sort of way.  You will have to decide how much to invovle management.

As for Sara, treat her in a businesslike and professional way.  Do not carry a big chip around on your shoulder with her, but try to minimize social interactions with her.

These are some ideas.  Feel free to follow up with additional questions.

For your information, the pros and cons of the types of dispute resolution methods follows.

GOOD LUCK!

Arbitration, Mediation, and Litigation

Arbitration: the referral of a dispute to one or more impartial persons for final and binding determination outside of the judicial system

Benefits of Arbitration:

    Confidential, no public record
    Limited exchange of documentation, information
    Quick, don't have to wait for a court date
    Arbitrators have expertise in the subject matter and are trained in conflict resolution
    Cheaper than litigation
    Preserves business relationships

Negatives of Arbitration

    It's a compromise, no %100 winner
    Complex arbitration can be costly
    If not satisfied, may litigate the arbitration procedure
    Poor results with an unskilled arbitrator
    Both parties must agree to cooperate in the process

Mediation: the process by which parties submit their dispute to a neutral third party (the mediator) who works with the parties to reach a settlement of their dispute.

Benefits of Mediation:

    Neutral mediator can objectively suggest alternatives not considered before
    Parties are directly engaged in negotiating the settlement
    Can be quicker than litigation
    Less costly than litigation
    Preserves business relationships
    85% of American Arbitration Association cases mediated find successful solutions

Negatives of Mediation

    may not reach a binding decision
    unskilled mediator

Litigation: using the judicial system to resolve disputes

Benefits of litigation:

    a clear winner and loser
    uses a prescribed set of procedures
    more predictable outcomes
    is final

Negatives of Litigation:

    waiting for court dates can do more harm
    usually more expensive than mediation and arbitration
    part of the public record