Expert: Dr. Christina Chambreau - 7/9/2009

Question
Dear Expert,
(And just know that you are not the only expert I will ask this question to, I will go to several categories with these problems, I have several problems so I decided to put it in one question, I’m sorry it’s so long, and if you don’t want to read certain paragraphs that don’t have to do with your expertise, you don’t have to. Just know what the paragraph was talking about)

I'm sitting here crying with a knife in my hand wondering if I should just do it now and not have to go through the rest of the pain, or not do it and wait for help. I am a 13 year old female, and my parents have made their decision, and I have one answer.

I got a kitten 4 or 5 years ago from Petsmart, she was so adorable, and I loved her so much. She has grown into a fluffy cat; she's a mutt, and her name's Midnight. She is my whole life, she sleeps with me when I'm depressed (and I'm depressed a lot lately), and calls for me when she can't see me. We've also had two other cats in the house with her, and one barn cat. (I live on a farm)

About 1 and a half or 2 years ago, we got this very small kitten that was an outside cat, we got her because she was so sick that we were just going to give her a nice clean, warm place to die. My sister nursed her back to health, but she had not been neutered. She started cycling, late, but consistent. Then she started marking the house for males. Then Midnight thought she had to get her territory back, so she would mark around, too. When we cut the kitten, Midnight continued to mark.

My mom is not a nice and forgiving person, when any cat starts peeing around the house, we through them outside, where they might live for a while, but then be eaten by eagles or coyotes. My mom has threatened several times that she will through Midnight outside - to die - I kept saying it was another one of the cats. She has let it slide for a while, but while me and my dad were gone out of town, my mom claims that Midnight was so upset (By the way, she knows not to pee in my room, so she never has), she found a scarf of mine that had my scent on it, and peed on it. Now it was not in a normal place, it was right in the middle of the kitchen counter! My mom has told me time and time again since she did that (Which was on either the 4th or 5th of this month, I can’t remember) , that I was lucky she didn't strangle or shoot (I have guns) the cat right there. She explained that each of the other cats were either asleep or in the TV room where my mom and sister were at the time.

Now she has given me until Saturday to do something, I have decided to not tell them about it, but pack up, and when the cat goes out into the barn, so do I. I will live out there, keep her in a cage or have her out and keep an eye on her. I hope this will get my parents to give me a chance at letting her stay in yet teach her not to pee around the house. But otherwise, I will live outside until she dies of natural causes.

But when she does, if I am not ready for it emotionally, I have nothing I can live for. Yes, I have searched for ways to think of reasons to live, but the biggest part is, it will teach my parents a lesson. Also because I have evaluated that there is no one to support me in the world, besides people on the internet that I don't even know. I'll explain it to you, my parents are cruel, but they can be nice, too. My mom is mad all the time, she comes home after work and rampages through the house and yells at me and my sister for many unknown reasons, each time something different. Together they are pretty mean, for example: One time one of our cats started having a cold and would sneeze, swerving her head like they usually do, sometimes she would sit next to a wall and sneeze, spraying a glob of snot at the wall, my parents blamed me, I explained that it was the cat, they thought it was a lame excuse and told me to stop, when it didn’t, they took a paddle and beat me.

Last month, one time I was crying (about something completely different), my mom heard me and ran into the room, and, of course, yelled at me. We needed to leave for an event, I was still crying when I was in the car with my family, I told them why I was crying, and they all started laughing, and I still haven’t heard the end of the jokes. When I was very young (around 7 or 8), everyone just seemed to die, family members, pets, friends, etc, I counted around 100 in three or four years. I was very scarred from it. At school, almost everyone hates me. At school, I hide my depression, and am a happy, funny person. People hate me because I’m too nice, too funny, and I don’t like kids from the popular crowds. The little group of nerds/friends I hang around has never had depression and don’t know me as a sad person, until I told them. They are as no help in my sadness. My two best friends: 1. a boy I’ve been friends with since Kindergarten, I’ve never told him my inner sadness. He is the only one of my friends who doesn’t even know that I am that way. 2. A girl I’ve been friends with since 1st grade, we are better friends than me and the boy, we sometimes have Psychic connections, but not since this big wave of depression has hit me. I didn’t tell her about my feelings until recently, she was surprised. She has never ever never had depressive feelings before, she has a perfect life. She also recently has started fading away from me, trying to avoid me. Yeah, that’s all the support I get.

Please, PLEASE! I need someone to help me! Tell me what I can do! Tell me anything! I need help and fast! Thank you for anything that you tell me!

-Natasha

Answer
Since I am a veterinarian, what I will tell you is about the animals. For you, I hope that other people you have asked will tell you to find a teacher, an adult, a minitser, a relative - someone you can talk to. Life is a precisous gift, no matter how hard it is. I know people who were in concentration camps and saw everyone they loved die and they could still love the smell of a flower and could go on to help other people. You can get through this and help other people get through it.

Our animals come here to help us through life - to help us enjoy life and to help us when times are hard. They ALWAYS love - even people that do not seem loveable or who hurt them. They are deep, wise beings who love unconditionally. I do not think your parents will let you live in the barn, but if they do, and are willing to have Midnight live in a cage, youcan get one that is large enough that Midnight will still be a happy cat, once she adjusts.

My prayers are for you to be well and find help.