Expert: Brian Thompson - 8/13/2009

Question
Hi,

I have a question.  

My wife is on a "prayer chain" which I think is great.  You don't see many of those anymore and I can remember as a kid how good it was to have that kind of thing.  

Lately, however, I am having a hard time reconciling myself to some things that are going on with this situation that was not present in the past, at least with what I was familar with.  

My wife receives both e-mail and phone calls.  These are for prayer for very "heavy" situations.  There are never anything which you might call a "praise report".  Only a great deal of negativity on these e-mails.  My wife has become depressed over the entire thing.  E-mails come with pictures of children who have died of cancer showing them in the hospital with dark rings around their eyes and swollen from the kimo.  Then a picture showing the headstones for these children and/or shrines that the parents have erected in the backyards.  

Of course, I am sympathetic about it all.  However, it feels as if it is a black hole that has swallowed my wife and feels like ti could swallow me if I let it.  Honestly, it is difficult to express how dark and heavy some of this is.  The thing that kind of "capped" it for me was my wife and I and our family had taken our son to a fair the other weekend.  She is also on a prayer chain at work and her cell phone rang.  She answered and one of the bosses son, 17 years old, had been in an accident where he and some friends were horsing around, one jumped in a friends car pretending to drive away, the other jumped on the trunk of the car and climbed onto the roof of the car and was consequently thrown from the car receiving serious head trauma.  My wife was shaken and upset and teary eyed.  She told me and I told her we'd keep it in mind and pray about it.  About an hour later a call came in to tell her that she coudl stop praying because the boy had died of his injuries and the call went on for about 15 or so minutes.  My wife was crying when she got off of the phone and the rest of the weekend was very dark for her, she continued to think about it and was depressed.  

My question, I guess, is how much is too much.  I knwo that we can't carry things on our shoulders, that we can pray and then we need to leave it.  Sometimes we can pray without even knowing the details.  Praying for God's best and his intervention in whatever way he sees as best.  

As I said, it is hard to describe it, it is not like anything I have ever experienced with respect to a prayer chain.  It is very heavy and seems to not let up.  I also remember that Paul wrote in Philippians "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things."  It has honestly been hard to feel upbeat or positive with the way things are.  

What do you think of this and what do you think we should do?  

Thank you!  

Answer
I think your wife needs to understand that God has an answer and sometimes it is no. We cannot tell God what to do, sometimes our prayers need to be for a swift end with no suffering rather than a miracle recovery. That boy who died after the auto accident may have had brain damage and may have led a life of handicap and difficulty if he survived, God may not have wanted that for him.

Sometimes when matters get to a prayer chain they are chronic and long beyond the point at which prayer ministry should have been evoked. I have seen cancer cured and I have also seen fine Christians succumb. hopefully our prayer served to ease the suffering. My life has been a testimony of healing in myself and others but this doesn't say there is a 100% success rate

I remember praying for a child with leukemia, the child died and I felt low but I had to realise that however much I and the parents and the church wanted the child to live, God is in charge, so now I give things to God and I don't seek to find out about the outcome.

Your wife may not have the emotional stability needed to be a member of that prayer chain, she may emphasise too deeply, but you both need to realise God is sovereign so give him praise no matter what the circumstance and perhaps find another ministry in your church.