Expert: Brian Thompson - 11/1/2010

Question
QUESTION: Dear Sir, I'm not a member of the Assembly of God, but I've always loved understanding different religions and I've always respected them all. I am going through a divorce process and would like to understand what is considered correct or not.
My soon-to-be ex-husband has been dating this lady, who is a member of your church. Is it acceptable for them to sleep in the same bed? Even if they only snuggle?
She constantly uses the name of the Lord, almost in a brain wash way to make him hate me. She has never met me and only "knows" me from what he has told her. Is it correct that she keeps telling him that I am an evil person?
Also, because he has made my life very difficult, I have no money. I am saying this because we got married here in the USA and also in my country. After the American divorce final decree is signed, I'll have to go to my Embassy, but only after going to a specific courthouse in my country is that we will be divorced. As I said, I have no money; therefore no conditions to go to my country. What I am trying to say is that even after our American divorce, we will still be married in my country. Can they continue to date without it being considered wrong?
Even after all the emotional pain that he has caused me and my son, I still love him and will love him for the rest of my life. True love only happens once in our life time.
She has told him not to read my e-mails and to ignore them. He has been following her "orders." Is it correct, according to your faith, that a member acts like that?
I thank you for your time and I'm looking forward to hear back from you.

ANSWER: Hi Estela

thank you for your question, however, I feel you may be trying to draw me into the conflict with your husband.

The position of the AoG is biblical, that is, adultery and fornification are prohibited, however sin may be repented and forgiven. I am not going to try to analyse the degree of the relationship or the words or intents of a person from a second hand account. The Lord made it clear whilst among us that it is the thoughts and intents of the heart, not just the physical appearences, that are important.

Divorce is usually valid in the country of residence and that law applies so if your country has different rules that is an issue only for you, and your husband can rely on the american divorce.Should he travel to your country that might have ramifications for him to pursue. The AoG does not seek an application for an anullment as would the Catholic Church

If, as you say you love him, then all you can do is be gracious and forgive and release him. The AoG is not perscriptive as to the relationship between individuals, this is left to conscience. However, the relationship between a husband and a wife is a sacred thing and noone else should interfere in it. if your husband chooses not the read or respond to your communications what can you do? When a relationship is broken and divorce proceedings have commenced it is usual for communication to be confined to legal representation or through a third party unless you are discussing specifics about children. My understanding of divorce in the US is limited however there is usually a property settlement that divides the assets, so, perhaps, in the future you may have sufficient funds to sort out the legal ramifications and such matters should be discussed through legal representation.

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Dear sir,

Thank you for your fast response and I am truly sorry if I gave you the impression that I was trying to draw you into the conflict with my husband, and for that I apologize with a truthful heart.
I was too personal when I asked my questions and for that reason you were unable to answer them.
I want to understand certain things and the only way for me to understand is asking questions and receiving very simple answers.
I hope you don't mind answering my questions again. I will try to make them very simple and impersonal.
1)Is it acceptable for a woman, who is a member of the Assembly of God, to share the same bed with a man if they are not married?
2) Is it acceptable for a woman, who is a member of the Assembly of God, to call another human being "evil," when she has never met that person?
I've learned that we should not judge another human being because we do not know what that person has gone/goes through in life. That, even after meeting a person, it is still wrong to call another human being bad names. That we have to be truthful with our hearts, respectful, and honest. So, I'm not trying to judge anyone or anyone's religion, I am just trying to understand how the AoG sees some facts of life.
Like I said on my previous e-mail, I respect all religions that teach love, respect, and honesty. Therefore, I do respect yours.
Thank you so much for your time, and please just answer my questions in a very simple way.
Have a blessed day,
Estela

Answer
I have already answered your question. The attitude of the AoG in resepect of adultery and fornification is no different to any Christian Church therefore you have placed your question in the wrong context. It doesn't matter what Church is involved such behaviour is highly questionable.