Expert: Kim Dion - 10/25/2007

Question
QUESTION: hi kim thanks for taking a look,iv been reading yor profile and thought u may b able to give me sum guidance regarding my relationship situation im not sure it is meant to be. i seem to have a weakness in this! as we seem to end up the same place evry time  im the one putting all the effort in but geting nocked down evry time. seen the film groundhog day? thats me..waking up re living the same day no matter how much id done the previous day.13th july 1978  daves dob 3rd september 1983

ANSWER: Steph,
I would be happy to run both your charts and see what shows up regarding how you both behave in relationships. Besides the dates, I will need place and time of birth. I can tell you this from what you have given me, though.

If you are putting in all the effort and getting nothing back, why continue? A relationship is a two way street. You are a Cancer and he is a Virgo - Cancerians are very giving (sometimes to their own detriment) and Virgos are generally more reserved with their feelings. I did look at your planets (although I can't look at your whole chart without your time/place) and you have some virgo in your chart (Mars and Venus) which is probably what attracted you to him in the first place. I can't give you more details without seeing your chart, but you don't seem to be a Cancer with a lot of water in your chart - which means that you are a bit more balanced.  He has moon in Cancer (I would need birthtime to verify this) and a lot of Leo in his chart. This means that although you have aspects that attracted each other (he was attracted to your Cancerian aspects because of his moon and you because of your Virgo planets to him) you are essentially very different people. Because of the Leo in his chart is probably a very "me first, look at me" kind of person. That Leo energy loves attention, loves to be the center of attention. This can make them appear selfish because they make things all about them. Again, I can't see how everything is flowing without the birthdata. So, now I'll move to my intuition about this and some spiritual advice...

As I said in the beginning, why are you putting energy into something when you are not getting anything back? If the relationship is not making you happy - then leave. It is always better to spend a lifetime alone (not that you would be!) than one week in a bad relationship. Because you are a cancer, you naturally give of yourself, but often to you own detriment. Your virgo planets can also give you a tendency to be a little bit of a "give and keep giving and giving" mentality. You have to start looking at YOU - relationships (especially bad ones) are often our greatest teachers. Spend some time reflecting on WHY you feel the need to give when you aren't getting anything back. Do you feel like you can "save" him? This is a very common thing we do - we love and love and love and give endlessly hoping that the other person will "come around" and be our perfect mate - that they will somehow change. The truth is that we can never change anyone. People change because they want to - they can never be forced to change. You have to look at it as pouring energy into a bottomless pit - it (the relationship) will keep taking your energy as long as you give it. It is up to you to say "No, this is my boundary" and draw a line somewhere. My guess is that you give endlessly because you feel (on a deep subconscious level) that it will make you more lovable. However, all it does is suck you dry - a bad relationship is like a vampire. However, YOU HAVE THE POWER to change it. I always always stress this to my clients. You are a powerful being. We all are. Most of us have lost our power through a myriad of different things, but we all still have it. My sense is that if you are thinking "I'm not sure it is meant to be" then you are on the road to working out that you are not happy, not fulfilled and ready to move on. Why stay in groundhog day (great analogy by the way!) when you don't have to? You DESERVE to be loved properly. You deserve to be happy. Simple as that. You can take this as an opportunity to learn something really important about yourself - that you have the power to change your life - that it is okay to ask to be loved like you deserve to be loved. People who come into our lives and cause us pain are often our greatest teachers (if we learn the lessons) because they show us where we need to grow. Ask yourself why you believe you are not worthy of a happy relationship filled with mutual respect and love. The answers will come to you and once you have answered those questions, you can work out how to change it. Don't settle!!! Life is too short.
I hope this has helped and I wish you love and light.
Kim

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: omg! i cant beleive i just read that-spot on,im shockd reading it,as for dave being a me me me person always wnting t b center of attention- spot on! when i say i put all the effort in,what i mean is i keep giving in, i take him bak, which makes it look like he can do woteva if wants! we have a 1yr & 2yr old  thats why i beleive him wen he says he wil  change,its hard to exept that iv gone thru all this for nothing,i have an 8yr old and a good life b4 meeting dave.to think iv had anothe 2 children with some 1,iv told him its like im puting money into a bank leaving myself skint because when i get my payout itl b worth it-only it prob wont hapen! i was born in england 05.20am  dave born in england   12 11am.thank you so much.

ANSWER: Hi Steph,
I'm glad I could help! Thanks so much for the great feedback. Where in England? I need an exact place to plot your chart.
The fact that you have children together, well...that happens! I'm sure your babies would prefer to have a Mum that was happy and fulfilled. People often stay in relationships because of their children, but children would often prefer two happier seperated parents than an unhappy couple that they have to share their lives with. Your analogy about the bank is perfect - it is like a bad investment. If you wouldn't do it with your money, why do it with yourself? When you take him back, you are saying in a way that he CAN do whatever he wants because you took him back! When you take him back you are not creating boundaries, just waiting for him to change - which will never happen. Why does he have to change? You just take him back anyway, right? That is probably what he thinks. Why change, because she always takes me back so I can get away with it. Please send me your place of birth (ie. London or whatever) and I'll run the data for you.
Love and Light,
Kim

---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: sorry, i didnt realise-leeds we wer both born in leeds,thanks again!!

Answer
Hi Steph,
Sorry I didn't get to this right away.

I ran your compatibility chart with Dave and your full chart.

You are definitely here to work through some stuff. Your chart is very emotionally charged and I wouldn't be surprised if you had some emotional wounding from a childhood situation (possibly with your mother). You have venus in the second house conjunct Saturn. What this means is that your planet of relationships is being bullied by the planet of difficult lessons (Saturn) in your house of self worth (2nd house). This means that you attract relationships that make you work on those issues of self worth - and they are usually extremely difficult and painful (Dave is an example of this, but you have probably had similar relationships yes?). If you use these bad experiences to grow and learn how to find your own self worth and LOVE YOURSELF you will be a transformed woman. You have a very powerful aspect in your chart (an aspect in astrology is what we call what two (or more) planets do to each other in a chart) between the Moon (emotions) and Pluto (death/rebirth/transformation) in Libra (relationships) in your fourth house (the mother aspect or where we find security). This means that you have a tendency pour tons of energy (Pluto intensifies everything touches, makes it powerful and deep) emotionally (your moon) into relationships. You do this because you need to feel loved and secure (the 4th house). What you need to work on is realizing that you need to give that powerful love that you give to others, to yourself. Dave has come into your life to teach you this. He is completely unaware of this on a conscious level, of course. But on a soul level you are both aware what is happening. I'm sure you are around to teach him things too but lets focus on you, okay? His me, me, me stuff is because his ME planets (the sun for one, mars for another) are sitting on your planets of love and emotion. This is where the attraction first came from but on a deeper level they are pushing you to look at YOU. Like I said before, time for you sit down and ask yourself why you do this in relationships. Get out of it if you are not happy and take some time to be alone and work on yourself. I looked at your transits and you are having a Saturn return. This means that Saturn has moved back into the same sign and spot is was when you were born and it’s kicking your ass. Saturn is called the "Task Master" of the Zodiac by astrologers. This means that when it comes along its purpose is to teach you some very difficult lessons - in your case about relationships. On the good side, you have to learn those lessons to grow as a soul and evolve. Think of Saturn as the teacher who gives you tough love. You might be thinking "why me" but the key is not be a victim but to move through it and learn the lesson. In your case the lesson is "LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF MORE THAN YOU LOVE HIM". Now, this may sound selfish, but it means without a healthy YOU - there is no healthy US. Do you understand? You can't draw water from an empty well sweetheart - you just can't. So, it's time to fill your well up - for yourself and for your beautiful babies. If it isn't this relationship, it will be another. Saturn will keep putting these lessons in your life until you get it. Once you get it, you will be a whole new you. Imagine how amazing that will feel?

I also see something a couple of other things that are of note. First, you have Neptune moving through your 7th house. Neptune is that planet of deceit, psychic phenomena and making this nebulous. The 7th house is the house of marriage or committed relationships. What this means is that your relationship with Dave has probably been filled with deceit. Am I right? Either he has lied to you or there has been something shady going on. The other thing of note is something for you to use for yourself to get you through this. You have Pluto (death/rebirth/transformation) and Jupiter (expansion/philosophical lessons/luck) transiting your Neptune (psychic phenomena) in the 5th house (romance and creativity). In this case, you have a gateway right now to explore your creativity and your own psychic powers. I'm not sure if you are aware of this, but there are a couple of placements in your chart that would indicate you are VERY intuitive. Possibly have dreams or visions or you just sense stuff. It might be worth it for you to do any of these things that appeal to right now (whether you have tapped into them or not yet in your life time makes no difference - you have it in you) - try doing something creative (I have my Neptune where you do and I used to Act - and I also paint and draw - just as an example) - so try tapping into your creative side - and creativity doesn't have to be drawing or whatever - it can be ANYTHING that makes you feel creative (even cooking is creative) and brings you joy, but find something for yourself that brings you joy and makes you feel a bit transformed. You can also try perhaps something like a meditation class or something that helps you get in touch more with that psychic side of yourself. My feeling is that you are very intuitive but that you ignore it a lot. Stop ignoring it! It is a friend there to guide you and you should use it. Pluto and Jupiter over your Neptune are telling you that you have the energies around you right now (and for a few years to come) to EXPAND AND TRANSFORM yourself. Use those energies during this difficult time and even though Saturn is kicking your ass right now, it is also a good sense of strength if you tap in to it - so use those energies to clear out what is no longer for your highest good. You are at a great time in your life right now. If you use the energies correctly and really take some time to love yourself and develop yourself you will be amazed at how every area of your life with change. It is all about YOU. That is the key to life, really - it is all about ourselves first - everything comes from that. As within, so without.

I hope that I have helped you some more, it certainly has been fun reading for you. I wish you luck sweetheart and I lots of love and light.
Blessings,
Kim