Expert: Philip A. Stahl - 11/23/2008

Question
I really enjoyed your reply to the questioner raising concerns about revealing to family that one is atheist. Sadly, some things are best left unsaid. I also identified with the questioner where he used phrases similar to "If I become an atheist."  The uncertainty about accepting one's non-belief is a difficult transition. I think we all sort of know, though, whether we have belief of not.

Don't you find it amazing that believers have such a low tolerance for those who do not believe? It seems that they would be concerned and supportive, not outraged. And certainly not stop speaking to that family member.

Please excuse the rambling. This is my first time reading the atheist forum here and I just wanted to reach out to others of similar thought. I am currently reading "Atheism Explained" by David Ramsey Steele. Do you know the book?
Robert

Answer
Hello,

In a way, it's not too puzzling as to why believers behave as they do. (Certainly in regard to their reactions to non-believers). I believe at root this is a reflection of a fundamental insecurity. Because they aren't 100% certain of God or life after death - irrespective of their rhetoric- then they take this out on doubters.

You see, the presence (and worse, speech, writings) of disbelievers and doubters reinforces their own doubts and uncertainties and this engenders lots of existential pain. To relieve the pain they use nonbelievers as scapegoats, trying to portray them as immoral or unethical beings and possible threats to a "decent" society.

For family members who are deeply religious, the consequences are more severe since of course the unbeliever is right in their midst! Hence, my advice to let sleeping dogs lie as it were. Don't create a fuss or controversy which will not ultimately help those near and dear to you and will most likely offend them and alienate them. Nothing is gained that way.

Re: "Atheism Explained", I am not familiar with the book, probably because there are so many good books out there. If you are interested you can also get two of my books:

1) 'Atheism - A Beginner's Handbook' (2007)

2) 'The Atheist's Handbook to Modern Materialism'(2000)

Both are available on amazon.com. The first is aimed more at beginning atheists, the second is more scientifically-oriented and also shows why purpose in the cosmos - as well as "design" - are unnecessary macguffins.