Expert: Vincent M. Wales - 3/15/2008

Question
Hi. I am a young, budding atheist who was raised in a devout christian home. For as far back as I can remember, there were always things that didn't make sense to me, and things that made me uncomfortable about religion(especially christianity). For example, I don't feel comfortable with the idea of having a "master" and not being in control of my own life. I don't feel comfortable with biblical teachings about the role of women, and how it basically says that women should just keep quiet and obey their husbands. And so on and so forth.

I am noticing that it can be very difficult being an atheist in a world that is dominated by christians. Even when the discrimination is not overt, it seems that religion is constantly being shoved down our throats.

Anyway, I am involved with a man who considers himself a christian. He is more on the liberal side, but he is getting more and more into this. And he talks about "god" ALL the time, and is constantly trying to convince me of the existence of "god".

One of the reasons I find it hard to believe in a loving and just "god" is because of all of the pain, suffering and injustice that exists in this world. The disease, the famine, the wars etc If "god" is so powerful, why doesn't he prevent tragedies like 9/11 for example? Why are there innocent children dying of cancer? The problem with religion is that it teaches us NEVER to question things, and just to accept them at face value.

Well, I raised this argument with him, and he countered that "god" gave man free will, and that it is MAN(meaning humankind) that is responsible for all the ills in the world(i.e. it is mans greed that is responsible for poverty) NOT "god". What is your response to that? It just seems a little too convenient to me to praise "god" for all the good in the world, but blame man for all of the bad. The whole premise of christianity is that man is inherently bad, and therefore we need "god" to save us.

I would really appreciate you taking the time to share your thoughts with me. I am from a very small, conservative town, surrounded by rabid bible thumpers! I have no one that I can really discuss my thoughts and concerns with, who will not try to preach at me or convert me. I am having serious doubts about my relationship, because I am becoming more and more convinced that atheists are right. And I have a hard time accepting my boyfriend's strong religious convictions. Thank you.

Sincerely,

Sondra

Answer
Sondra:

It should come as no surprise that I agree with you.  Our society really is bathed in religion, which is pushed down our throats in ways both blatant and subtle.

Your observations about the role of women are right on target.  Consider, of course, that Christianity is the invention of men, not women, in a society where women were nowhere near the equal of men.  Religion has been the single biggest force keeping women from achieving full equality with males in society.

I would be concerned, if I were you, about your boyfriend.  If he is so set on getting you to believe in his deity, it's obvious that he's not okay with you being a non-believer.  To me, this shows a fundamental lack of respect.  You are an adult with a mind of your own.  Your choices on what to believe or not believe are yours and yours alone.  You must respect his choices to believe in his religion, and he must respect your choice not to.  Without that fundamental mutual respect, any relationship will be hideously strained.

Your "issues" with the concept of a loving and just deity are certainly valid.  And these are points that have vexed philosophers and theologians for a long, long time.  Now, you can ask Christians - from lay people up to the pope himself - about these things, and you'll get a variety of answers as to why God allows such atrocities.

But one argument that I find very easy to disembowel is the whole "free will" thing.  Because if we take the Bible at its word (which Christians assure us we must), then true free will is impossible.  Here's why...

It is said that God is all-knowing... that he knew, even before we were born, everything we would do over the course of our lives.  It is impossible, therefore, for us to do anything that would surprise him.  This means that God created us specifically TO do all these things.  He WANTED us to do them... otherwise he would not have created us.  

I've had religious folks tell me I'm off base on this assertion, but none of them have given me any good explanation of how.  Either God wanted us to do these things, or God is freakin' stupid.  Because it's entirely in his power to PREVENT us from doing these things... and yet he doesn't.  Because he knew, BEFORE we were born, everything that we would do in our lives, and STILL created us... then we're just doing what he set into us.  We have no free will because our CREATOR knew what we'd do before creating us.  We have no choice but to play out that little drama.  Or comedy.

Ah, whatever.  To me, the whole argument about free will or the question of all-loving while allowing atrocities pales beside the greater question:  Why is there allegedly a god, to begin with?  The entire concept of an all-powerful creator is so mind-bogglingly inane to me that none of the discussions over minutiae really mean much.

Anyway... I hope this has helped a little.  Feel free to ask more, if you need.