AboutJeffrey Eldred Expertise I am well versed on the arguments for both sides about the existence of God and have a comprehensive familiarity with the philosophical ramifications and psychological reactions to atheism. Also, if you have a question about atheism as that pertains to Science or Skepticism, I am an especially good pick. I am not an expert on the sociology and history of atheism, and I have little knowledge of non-Judeo-Christian religions.
Experience I've been an atheist for 8 years now, open about it for 3 years. In that time I have held many different philosophical perspective on the subject and had different emotional and psychological reactions to atheism. I have absorbed many internet articles, video debates, atheist publications, and secular podcasts in my process of understanding and supporting the atheist movement. I routinely hold conversations on the subject.
Organizations William & Mary Freethought Alliance, an affiliate of Secular Student Coalition and Center for Inquiry. Essentially this is a small campus group for nontheists and skeptics, in which I meet others like myself, pick their brains on the subject, and work to achieve secular values.
Publications If Journal, an online interfaith publication.
Education/Credentials I am an undergraduate physics and math student at the College of William & Mary, but I have very little formal training in philosophy or sociology.
Awards and Honors I am a vice-president of the William & Mary Freethought Alliance
Question Dear Jeffrey
I have moved from the UK to Barbados, I am married to a bajan man and although he is a believer in God he does not have dealings with any Church Group or association but,the people I have met here are very religious and make me afraid to view my opinion. I am often asked to church gatherings and services which i am not wishing to be a part of, I also would like to organize my funeral to be none christian. Can you give me any advice how I deal with my "christian friends without hurting there feelings or them thinking bad of me. The faith some of these people have frighten me, it really has taken over there lives.
regards Pauline
Answer Freedom:
This is about human freedom, plain and simple. You lose time, energy, money, and influence to religion even while you understand it has no justification for having that effect on you. Your self-actualization comes through standing up for what you think and when people understand this they will have no ground to ask you to do otherwise. It will be necessary to get to a more open form of discourse about religion, and given that, the sooner you accomplish the more the benefit will be and the less the cost.
Honesty:
The greatest source of respect that irreligious people get comes from their honesty. With such a disconnect between what religion claims and promises and what the reality actually is, even the highly religious must admit that there is a great degree of religion propped up by wanting something to be true but not having reason to suppose it is. This kind of sense of self-honesty is unique to atheism, and only an open atheist can communicate that sense to others. People react differently to unabashed honesty, but in my experience it is a breath of fresh air to be able to level directly with people and challenge their assumptions. When you can have a civil and an honest relationship, people naturally feel closer and safer around you. I would go as far as to say that you owe it to those people to connect to them in this way. Certainly people who believe (unfairly) that atheism is a depressing way to live life or believe (somewhat fairly) that atheism has the risk of exposing you to undue hostility, have to recognize at the very least that it takes courage not only to be able to accept it yourself but to stand up for what you think. My golden rule is "A principle is justified if it can be (theoretically) justified to others" and atheism is just living out that rule and expecting others to adhere to it.
Atheists, the hidden presence:
One of the most important reasons for being open about your religion is encouraging others to feel free to do the same. Here in the US, bigotry towards homosexuals is waning in popularity as homosexuals have relied heavily on "strength in numbers" and the "courage for one's convictions". If atheism follows the demographics of religion, than its prevalence will oscillate back and forth. But atheism has the advantage of being right and coinciding with education in nearly any subject. If it instead follows the model of a liberalization of society (e.g. abolitionism, civil rights for women and ethnic minorities, gay rights, public education, etc) than it just needs to reach a break-away point. At this point it becomes an acceptable option for ordinary individuals and the position that the world's most influential intellectuals and most reasonable neighbors ascribe to. At that point, atheism or highly liberal religion is the only moral choice and being an atheist is easy - but we need to get there first. I'm not so foolish as to count on the world becoming dominated by atheists any time soon, but the history of human progress is the history of retreating religious influence and for the first time in a very long time we have a shot at making much larger strides in that area.
You might be surprised at the number of nonbelievers and religious liberals in your area - sometimes highly religious locations have a strong presence of nonbelief by making the nature of the question more stark and counter-reaction more pressing. Whatever the source of it, the percentage of people in the religious category of "other/unspecified/unaffiliated/none" is 18.6% in the US (2007), 24.7% in the UK (2001), and 25.4% in Barbados (2008) (all according to CIA World Factbook[1]). While not all those individuals necessarily use the "a-word" to describe themselves, most are like-minded people and the remainder are an indication of the tolerance of the irreligious. As an open atheist, you will find that you will meet more people like yourself than you'd expect.
One way to connect with other atheists is to find a group literally for the purpose of uniting atheists and their common interests. In addition to providing support and philosophy resources, these usually have a strong emphasis on skepticism, human rights, and secularism. I was unable to find a atheist organization on the web located in Barbados, but I did find a site with listing of interested contacts[2]. It might be a good idea to go to colleges and universities[3] and see if they have any such groups. Sometimes religious elements brand everyone who disagrees with them on a particular political issue as apostates and you may find some allies among those people. While it might be easier for you to find a support structure before you come out about your atheism, if there is no such support structure than you'd have to come out in order to make one yourself!
Asylum:
If you decide not to be open about your non-belief, than perhaps a highly liberal religious institution could be preferable to being exposed to the more controlling form of religion found in your neighbors and friends. Unitarian Universalism is a brand of Christianity which is highly liberal and is so comfortable with atheists that there are some atheists who choose to attend them even after being open. In the US where being irreligious is an impediment to getting elected, nonbelievers tend to go to Unitarian Universalist churches as cover.
Advice for getting along and being open:
People often conflate goodness and morality with belief in God. You have to make it clear to them that your rejection of God comes from naturalistic reasons and that you do so out of a personal sense of goodness. For people who know you well, they will have to come to understand that you are the same person they had come to know and you had kept quiet about religion due to the fear of being seen as a negative stereotype that you are not. You have so many social interactions which are not contingent upon religion and people don't tend to harbor negative feelings about people they already get along well with.
To many people, being someone who is uncertain or apathetic about religion is worse than someone who is comfortable with who they are and speaks as honestly as they can[4]. People who are reluctant about are prime targets for evangelism and are often perceived as people who drag their feet on religion due to a love of "sinfulness" - while this is an unfair stereotype in it's own right, you may get stuck with it instead if you avoid religion but don't denounce it. If you are instead known as someone who is outside of their religion, you can tap into the existing social framework for tolerating people of other religions - you only have to have them understand that atheism is a legitimate choice and that there are no immediately negative consequences for them.
There are some people who you will never get along with not just because they are religious but because they don't take the time to get to know people. Instead they just categorize and divide people to get through life and their religion would just be a way to justify it. These people alienate themselves more than they succeed at alienating others and it is generally the case that the more that people identify you with opposition to this sort of thinking, the more regard they will have of you in the long run.
Debate and Discussion:
Some people can have a debate as an interesting and engaging experience, but some people just get nervous, angry, and insecure. Know which you are dealing with, and try not to get into in the beginning. While making it clear that your motivations for beliefs come from the answer to the question "Does God exist?" try to steer philosophical debates closer to the lines of "Is atheism acceptable choice? Do you feel like people should question religion openly? What does atheism have that appeals to common sense principles?" Sample trains of dialogue:
"You don't believe in the Muslim or Hindu God, do you? I dismiss those religions for the same reasons you do, I just include one more god. You also believe all those people have a right to think what they want and go to Hell if they are wrong - I demand only the same."
"It's not that I hate the Bible, I just believe in reading the many better books instead. Isn't it interesting that our best works of literature are fiction? Even if the Bible is a flawless work of symboling, meaning, and morality (which it isn't), why can't I glean this information without making up things about the universe?"
"How do you know what is good and what is evil? Maybe God made you the way you are and you can't help your human nature - certainly you can grant atheists can follow those same natural moral inclinations just as you can. Maybe you do good just because you are afraid the controller of the universe will punish you - certainly atheists can follow laws just as you can (and they do). Maybe you have a moral sense that allows you to independently evaluate and verify the goodness of God - than this independent sense is what atheism is all about."
"Atheism has no moral philosophy? Oh really? Have you read any secular ethical philosophy? Hume? Nietzsche? Camus or Sartre? Certainly you've read from modern atheists, for example: Dawkins, Harris, Hitchens, and Shermer? It seems to me a little presumptuous to claim the entire enterprise futile without giving it a hearing."
"If you heard a voice in your head telling you to kill your son, would you do so as Abraham would have? If you heard a voice in your head telling you to slaughter men, women, and children in a great war would you do so as Joshua did? It seems religious rules and religious experiences should never be adequate justification for moral questions that really matter. I won't act on bad reasons and I don't need to act on bad reasons for things in which there are good reasons."
"Do you believe in natural laws like gravity? Doesn't it make sense to make the assumption that nature continues it's current patterns until evidence say otherwise? If there is something that is uncertain, doesn't it make sense to consider all possibilities before making new claims?"
To me, Sam Harris does the best job of speaking on the subject of religion in reasonable terms that everyone can agree with while at the same time relentlessly driving home the point that atheism is the solution that he is describing. You can view a video of him speaking here [5]. A chief experience that atheists have is communicating the reasonableness of their philosophy to others and there is plenty of helpful material to draw from across the Internet.
My personal story:
I've been an atheist since about 8 years ago and at the time I was struggling through the philosophy and psychology on my own. I lied about my lack of faith, went to church and went to every religious organization my twin brother did. Part of my motivation was for there to be a smooth transition if I later decided religion was a good idea and part of my motivation was I thought people would think horrible things about me. But as time passed I became more confident that atheism was correct and more confident that atheism was a positive thing and I had to break the news.
I remember delaying and making excuses for when I would start telling people and I regret waiting so long. Right before the "point-of-no-return" I remember doubting myself and I remember my stomach knotting up with anxiety about the future. I finally told myself "What are you waiting for? Are you waiting for this to feel better and easier? It won't. You have to do this." So I organized a "family meeting" and told my family simultaneously. I had made a short paragraph-length speech, but it was hard for me to say my piece and keep my emotions in check.
I was pleasantly surprised with the degree of acceptance that I received from family and from friends even as they disagreed with me about the matter. I regard my experience as a positive anecdote of how fears can be worse than reality and how living out in the open is liberating and positive experience. I discovered that many of the philosophical opinions I hold I have in common with my father and I would not have known it otherwise. My brother had become more and more religious as I was becoming irreligious, but once a week I enjoy a vibrant philosophical debate with him by phone and in some manners we are closer than before because of this additional way of interacting. When I tell people that I have recently met that I am an atheist, they tend infer from me that atheists are better people than they had previously thought, rather than to infer from the fact that I am an atheist that I am a worse person than they had previously thought. I have had very few, very minor incidents in which people have held the fact that I am an atheist against me and many good experiences in which I connected with people who were atheists and were glad to have someone they could identify with. (I live in Virginia somewhere in the middle of America's most religious and most secular locations). If people would harbor a negative opinion of me, I would much rather have them confront and talk to me about it so that I may make my case for why atheism is not only reasonable and common, but might actually be true. In the time that I have been open about my atheism, I have grown to be more confident, happy, and articulate in my atheism.
Through atheist organizations of various sorts, everyone I had met who had come open to people had much more positive experiences than negative, even those who lived in highly religious areas. At the end of this year, in fact, I know there is an undergraduate at Virginia Tech who will publish his Psychology thesis contending just that.
