Expert: Philip A. Stahl - 5/22/2009

Question
hi,

i really hope you can help me, because i don't know what else to do. i am 16, and ive been an atheist for about 6 months, and i love it. it provides all the answers that i want without the need to make excuses for a "god". my parents, father especially, is part of a weird sect of Christianity known as Seventh day Adventist. its one of the more extreme ones. how can i get him off my back about all this jesus nonsense? everytime he starts to get on me about it, i point out the faults in his beliefs. he just quotes scripture that has nothing to do with what im saying and usually involves "gods thoughts are higher than ours". also, it makes me uncomfortable to go to his church with all those irrational people. what should i do to get him off my case and get him to no longer want me to go to church.

thanks.

Answer
Hello,

Unfortunately, based on my own experience, religious arguments and debates - especially with parents - are never particularly fruitful, or useful. Because there is so much emotional investment in the side taken, what usually happens is that either feelings get hurt, or a pattern of anger or angry response is established.

The problem is that, being 16, you are pretty well a captive audience to whatever Dad says or believes, because you are living in his house.

In my own case, I didn't see the dynamic change until I established my own domecile away from my parents.

While that is little consolation for you now, it is the best I can offer. As I did, unless you want to create a lot of enmity that you may well regret later, all you can do is "go along to get along" and try to keep any drama or discussions (even if you are tempted to make retorts) to a minimum. It simply isn't worthwhile and engenders more problems than benefits secured.

When you are finally able to leave home on your own, and establish your own place, you can become more of the person you want to be outside the shadow of your dad's firm beliefs.

Until then, I hate to say it, but if you want any degree of peace in your household you will have to learn to live with them and often, hold back ("bite") your tongue.

Hopefully, before then, your dad will adopt a more rational and objective stance - understand your atheism is serious and not a temporary fashion, and be more willing to accommodate.

At least one can hope!