Expert: Margaret Placentra Johnston - 7/27/2009

Question
"Hello i am very confused on religion, i do not believe there was a jesus mary  etc..i donot think there is a god and ppl die go to heaven,or all the talk about religion,people going to church to pray,i wasnt educated in that department when i should have, so when  someone asks me what i believe in what am i supose to say???

Answer
Since you say you were not educated in this department when you "should have" I think you mean you feel you "should have" had some religious education as a child.  While this may have made things easier for you at some points in your life, I want to point out two things you may want to consider.

1) even people who were brought up in a religion often go through a period of questioning what they were taught.  Some of them will reject what they were taught and will go on to either become atheists, find some other religion to believe in - OR develop some other way in which to approach their spirituality.  In fact, there are some people who have studied faith development who say the step of questioning what you were taught is necessary to forming a mature spiritual stance (be it religious or atheistic.) So even if you had been "taught" about religion as a child, to become mature, you would still have to go through a period of figuring out for yourself what you see as the truth.  And what you decided may not be the same as what you were taught.

2) even if you were not taught anything about religion, it is never too late to start studying and truly figure out what YOU believe.  Obviously, no one really has a definite answer to what we should believe or not believe.  (so I can't tell you the answer about whether there was a Jesus and Mary, and a god or heaven and hell*) I would not so much worry about what to say when someone asks you about this.  What is important is whether you have a belief system - or atheistic stance - YOU can trust.   The only way to get this is to study and figure it out for yourself.  

When someone asks you what you believe in, why don't you tell them you are trying to figure that out.  Then ask them to explain how they arrived at their beliefs.  Believe me - whether they are atheists or religious, many will be very happy to do so!  If you listen to what a lot of different people tell you, you may find you can agree more with some of them than with others.  Ask those people for ideas on what books you should read or groups you can visit to learn more.  Sooner or later, you will find yourself with a definite feeling for what you are "supposed to say" when someone asks.  But more importantly, you will feel better for having done all this work.  With some idea what you personally believe or don't believe, you can go forward in your life with greater stability and sense of purpose.  

* But - if you ask me, I personally do not hold that there was a literal Jesus as the son of God and a literal Mary - especially not a literal virgin!  But there may have been a prophet named Jesus, who had some very good ideas.  And of course, he would have had a mother of some sort, who may or may not have been named Mary. I mean, I sort of doubt they have the name "Mary" in that part of the world!  And I do not believe God is a bearded old man in the sky, just waiting to send us to heaven or hell depending on whether we followed all the rules of our church.  I am pretty sure there is no actual place in the sky called heaven and no place deep in the earth called hell.  (Wouldn't the geologists and astronomers have discovered these places by now?)  

But I do feel there is an overall connectedness in the universe that is Good.  And a lot of people who have questioned and rejected the religion they were brought up in use the word "god" (the small "d" is intentional) when they talk about this - even though they don't believe the capital "G" God exists....