Expert: Austin Cline - 10/23/2010

Question
Hi, I found this area of allexperts a few days ago and have been reading a lot of the posts. I decided to ask a question because I can't find anything online and I'm struggling with some things.

I think I might be an atheist but I'm not sure, I have a lot of reservations. I completely support things like thinking about religion for yourself rather than following dogma and I don't like a lot of the culture of religion, if I can call it that - the elitist groups with initiation processes, believers looking down on non-believers, quoting very old books which then restricts human rights.

However, although I wasn't brought up in any set religion I think I had a lot of religious influences. The few openly atheist people I've met have been unpleasant and selfish, I know this isn't a reflection on all atheists or the majority but it's a bad start! Then there's my partner who is sort of religious. He hates religious groups because of things like particular groups starting wars but he uses a lot of religious terms for our relationship. Things like, 'we're destined to be together', referring to our souls, and 'we'll be together for eternity'. I know saying these things are very important to him and it makes it hard for me to be with him and think about atheism - I feel like I'm not matching his commitment!

I'm struggling with this. I want to be honest about my outlook and I don't want to be believing something unrealistic out of convenience or comfort. I also don't want to hurt my partner but I don't know how to respond to how he describes our relationship or explain how we feel in an atheist way - I don't even know how to explain love with atheism, it almost seems like atheism undermines it as only chemical attraction and not that important, (sorry, this is only the impression I've been given, I'm asking these things because I'd like to have a better answer). I would also like to meet atheists in real life that are nice - so far, I've only seen them online.

I found the New Humanist website a month or so ago and was almost interested in it until I did a quiz on the website called 'what type of humanist are you'. I lost all hope when I saw the multiple-choice answers included things ridiculing Christianity. I know religions make mistakes and cause problems but I think it's childish when people treat religious people as stupid!

Many thanks for your help in advance.

Answer
"I think I might be an atheist but I'm not sure, I have a lot of reservations. "

All it takes to be an atheist is to not believe in any gods - nothing more, nothing less. If you believe in the existence of anything you'd call a "god," you're a theist. If you don't, you're an atheist.

http://atheism.about.com/od/atheismatheiststheism/a/BecomeAtheist.htm
http://atheism.about.com/od/aboutatheism/a/BeginnersBasics.htm


"I completely support things like thinking about religion for yourself rather than following dogma and I don't like a lot of the culture of religion, if I can call it that - the elitist groups with initiation processes, believers looking down on non-believers, quoting very old books which then restricts human rights."

That's freethought; it's related to atheism but isn't quite the same thing.

http://atheism.about.com/od/atheismquestions/a/freethinker.htm


"However, although I wasn't brought up in any set religion I think I had a lot of religious influences."

Having religious influences doesn't prevent a person from being an atheist. Even having a religion doesn't prevent a person from being an atheist because some religions are atheistic.

http://atheism.about.com/od/atheismquestions/p/AtheistReligion.htm


"I know saying these things are very important to him and it makes it hard for me to be with him and think about atheism - I feel like I'm not matching his commitment!"

That potentially points to problems beyond atheism itself.


"it almost seems like atheism undermines it as only chemical attraction and not that important, (sorry, this is only the impression I've been given, I'm asking these things because I'd like to have a better answer)."

Part of the problem is the idea that a chemical attraction is not important. This derives from the assumption that things are only "important" if they are eternal - like life is only important if there is an afterlife. That's nonsense. Some religions, like Buddhism, are based around getting people to understand how false that is and how it actually increases misery and suffering in the world


"I would also like to meet atheists in real life that are nice - so far, I've only seen them online."

I can't help you with that because I don't know where you are.


"I found the New Humanist website a month or so ago and was almost interested in it until I did a quiz on the website called 'what type of humanist are you'. I lost all hope when I saw the multiple-choice answers included things ridiculing Christianity. I know religions make mistakes and cause problems but I think it's childish when people treat religious people as stupid!"

1. Ridiculing an opinion or ideology isn't the same as calling people stupid. Smart people can have dumb opinions and dumb people can have smart opinions. No opinions and no ideology deserves automatic respect and certainly not automatic deferences. If an opinion or ideology is dumb, we should say so.

2. I can't comment on the answers because I don't know what they are, but let's assume they are really horrible: so what? Just pick different answers. All it means is that you are not the "type of humanist" who acts in that way, you're a "type of humanist" who acts in a different way. Is it a problem that there different types of humanists, some of whom do things differently from you?