Expert: Vincent M. Wales - 10/9/2010

Question
Hello
I'm 22 and have recently come "out of the closet" with my atheism.

At the age of 11 I was in therapy for trying to kill myself after my classmates told me I was going to hell and I was the antichrist.

I kept my mouth shut for 10 years about my religion. I have recently come out of the closet and am brave and no longer let those things bother me.

EXCEPT.

I am going through extremely rough circumstances right now. I lost my job and yesterday (Oct 9th) I got an eviction notice.

I'm depressed right now, and my theist 'friends' are using this to their advantage.

"Maybe if you didn't deny God he wouldn't punish you."
"It's your fault because you haven't accepted Jesus."
"Now you're finally seeing why it is a sin to deny God."

These types of comments I can not handle... and I lost a friend yesterday after telling her to shove her bible and god up her ass sideways. Not that she WAS a friend. She was an annoying little brat.

so, now my obstacle is HOW can I CALMLY ignore/argue these accusations? Nothing gets to me worse than a religious bitty telling me I am being punished by THEIR god.

Did I have a right to tell that brat to shove it? Haha!

Answer
Desirai:

Sorry to hear about your crappy circumstances right now.  Hope things improve soon.

And I must say... what a shitty crowd of kids you've had the misfortune of having to deal with in your life.  Wow.

Anyway...  I think all of us atheists (and I certainly include myself in this) have gone through periods of just having ENOUGH of that kind of inane nonsense from others.  I mean, even if it is what they truly believe, rubbing that sort of stuff in your face isn't the mark of friendship.  Nor is it a very "Christian" thing to do.  It's the equivalent of rubbing salt in the wound.

However... these people aren't your friends.  People who feel the need to pound others over the head with their theism are interested only in themselves.  They do it only to make themselves feel righteous.

Do you have the "right" to tell them to shove it?  Sure.  And it can be fun to turn things around and say, "Well, gee... if your god is so awesome, why does he behave like a petulant child if he doesn't get his way?  Why should he care if I believe in him or not?  And why should he punish me just to get me to believe in him?  If any human behaved the way your god does, we'd spank their bottom and send them to their room without supper."

But the good feeling you get from that is short-lived.

It's not easy, Desirai, but what might help you tolerate such statements from others is to look past the words.  Forget that they're aimed at you because, really, they aren't.  This isn't about you.  It's about them.  They NEED to feel better than you, because secretly, they envy you.

See, I think Christians who do this sort of thing are insecure Christians.  If they were secure in their faith, they wouldn't be doing this to you or others.  But they have to "rub it in," because they can't understand how someone like you or me can get by in the world without belief.  And it freaks them out to know that others CAN do it, that others AREN'T afraid of burning in hell.  And because they're insecure, they can't just accept that someone else is "better" than they are; they have to tear them down.  And that's why they treat you like they do.

At least, that's my theory.

I suggest finding a local community of non-believers.  They're everywhere, so you should be able to locate one.  But if you can't find one, start one!  I did that in Utah, of all places.  It was quite popular, surprisingly.

Surround yourself with those who will treat you with respect, not treat you like crap.

Good luck, and be well.