Expert: Clint - 4/10/2010

Question
Dear Clint,

Hi. My name is Gene and I'm 17 years old still living with my parents. I've been having a bit of an internal dilemma recently. You see, my parents and brother are all Christians, but I'm atheist. They don't know that, though. My parents make me go to a church youth group every week, and none of the kids there know that I'm an atheist.

My question is, should I reveal that I'm an atheist to these people? My parents I'm not too worried about. They're pretty open-minded which is nice. It's my brother and the church group kids that I worry about. They're all very big on the whole evangelical thing. They go on mission trips and won't stop talking about how wonderful God and Jesus are.

Now I know that I could just stop going to the church group and leave my friends behind. Sadly, I'm homeschooled and the church group is the only time I get to socialize with other kids. I've even become friends with some of them. My brother is also part of the church group, so disconnecting myself from it would be difficult even if I wanted to.

I don't want to lose my friends, but at the same time I can't stand the constant preaching and praising. If I come out to them, I feel that not only will I lose my friends, but I'll have to deal with them trying to "save" me.

What should I do? Should I wait to reveal my atheism until after I move out?

Thanks,
Gene

P.S. Sorry for writing so much. I guess a lot is on my mind.

Answer
To get along with others it is important that you make situations comfortable for them, to keep them within their "comfort zone". Outside of their comfort zone people tend to be defensive and even aggressive. They aren't likely to change in order to make you feel more comfortable, so you have to decide if you want to remain companions with others who make you feel uncomfortable. It's that way all through life, compromising your principals in order to get along with others who oppose your own. If their friendship is that important to you then you have little choice but to continue pretending to be one of them. It boils down to this; what's more important to you, their friendship or your principles? In any case, always take the high road, they are just human and know no better as their brains have been washed of logic and reason, they have good intentions even if misplaced. You can expect them to reject you if you "come out", it's barbaric but so is religion. Good luck, if anything just have fun with it, you don't actually have to fall for it. And if you really can't stand it then stand up for yourself, they sure won't.