Expert: Austin Cline - 6/10/2010

Question
I'm 12 and I've always gone to a catholic school. I hate it there. I don't really think I want to be catholic. I'm not close enough to my parents to tell them that I want to be atheist. Can I become atheist after I receive confirmation?

Answer
You don't need to do anything to be an atheist - all you need is to lack belief in any gods. If you believe in any sort of god, then you're a theist. If you lack any such belief, then you're already an atheist. If you stop believing at any point, then you'll become an atheist. It doesn't matter if you've gone through confirmation or not. No religious ritual can force you to continue believing in a god - force you to be a theist rather than an atheist.

If you mean, can you reveal your atheist after having received confirmation? The answer to that is also yes: no religious ritual can prevent you from revealing the truth about yourself. If you don't feel that you can tell your parents the truth now and cannot avoid a religious ritual which they want but which you no longer believe in, then you may as well go through with it. It would be better if you could tell them the truth and avoid the ritual, but you wouldn't be the first person to have to do this. It's arguably one reason why churches impose these rituals on children rather than adults: children can be coerced by parents and thus far more people go through it than otherwise would.

So long as you live with your parents you will have to submit to their rules. You may be able to get more breathing room as you get older, but you'll only truly be free when you live on your own. Use the problems you have now as incentive to work harder so you get to the point where you can stand on your own and live your life as you really want. In the end, there is no other way.