Expert: Austin Cline - 5/19/2011

Question
Hi. I am 23/female. I have been an atheist since I was 12.
My little sister was an accident and was born to my father and step mom when I was 16. She just turned 7.

My dad has turned to church to help him get rid of his alcoholism and coke addiction.

I support my dad and am extremely proud of him. He has been sober for 4 years. If church is helping him, then so be it.

However, my little sister is of course being indoctrinated by them. They think it's the right thing to do, being they were also raised that way.

Is there any way that I can subtly introduce the ideas into her life that she should make her own decisions, or is that wrong of me? I want to prod her into a direction of secularism, because she is already a devout Christian.

I want her to know that there's other religions (and lack there of) and other faiths, ideas, etc.

Or would this be wrong of me to do?

Answer
There's no denying that you're in a very difficult situation and you have to proceed carefully. You absolutely should be a positive, secular role model in her life but I'm sure that if you push too hard you'll not only alienate her but might cause your parents to cut off contact with her.

You don't say how much and what sort of contact you currently have with your sister, and that makes a lot of difference. If you only see her occasionally, then there is little you can do. If you see her more often or can arrange to do so, then that will help a lot.

You should probably arrange to spend time with her alone, just the sisters, whenever you can. This will produce positive benefits for her development and for your relationship no matter what.

And beyond this you may not need to do anything. She'll surely notice that you don't go to church like your parents and don't say the same sorts of things about religion as they do. Sooner or later she'll ask about that and all you need to do is be honest: you don't believe in gods, others believe in different sorts of gods, and all those people still live good, moral, happy, productive lives. She'll be able to see through your practical example whether that's true or not - you don't need to argue or push it.

Beyond that, there are a few things you can do to invite conversation without being too overt or pushy. If you have books on atheism and secularism, then don't hide them - make sure they are first on your bookshelf. If you subscribe to magazines dealing with atheism or secularism, don't hide them - leave them out where people usually leave magazines.

It's not wrong to influence people around you. It's not wrong be a positive role model as a secular atheist. It's not wrong to want to make sure that your sister knows that non-Christians, including atheists, can be just as moral, decent, and happy as any Christian. This isn't indoctrination; it's simply ensuring that she knows how the world outside her small circle works.