Expert: Bob - 3/6/2006

Question
Dear Bob;

I was born into a Roman Catholic family, but even as a child I
didn't like some of the stories in the Bible (his treatment of Job,
and Abraham sacrificing Isaac, for example). By the time I
entered college, I had serious reservations about the Bible and
religion in general, but still believed in a God. I reconciled my
beliefs by calling myself an agnostic--which I defined as
believing in God but rejecting any and all religious texts.

In the last year, however, I have realized that I am a weak (or
negative) atheist and do not believe in a supreme being at all. As
such, I do not attend church, but because of this I find myself
wrestling with some major issues:

    --My mother died when I was nine years old, and after her    
        death many friends in our church helped me and my
        grandparents (who became my legal guardians) for many
        years. They are all good and kind people, but I know they      
        would never understand my views. Even when I was
        agnostic, I felt I could share their faith because I still
        believed in God (in my abstract way). As an atheist though,
        I feel like I am turning my back on them, even though I
        understand that the whole God/religion thing is just a
        fairytale. Also, my mother's wish was that I be brought up
        Catholic (which I was), but I feel like I have turned my back
        on her by rejecting the religion that meant so much to her.

    --I have a very domineering, religiously conservative aunt
        whose three sons look up to me and probably respect my
        opinion more than they do hers. She thinks my
        agnosticism is a rebellious phase brought on by college
        (even though I'm 23 now!), and I haven't yet worked up the
        courage to tell her that that I am an atheist (to her,
        atheism = Satanism). Anyway, my problem is attending
        church. I seriously have no desire to ever set foot in one
        again, but I know how important it is to her that her sons
        accept the Catholic faith. They are teenagers, and I know
        that if I refuse to attend they will likely follow my lead.
        Part of me is yearning to scream, "Yes, open your eyes and  
        see what's out there!" But the other part of me is afraid of
        causing a rift in her family. At the same time though, I am
        proud to be an atheist and resent the idea of attending       
        church just to keep up appearances. I have done that long
        enough already.

Do you have any advice for me?

Sincerely,
Tara


Answer
Hello Tara,
 Sorry that I've taken a while to get back to you. First of all the total lack of belief in a supreme being by definition makes you a strong Atheist not a weak or negative one. Now back to the main part of your question. Along with being an Atheist comes several hardships, fortunately one of the bonuses is that we know that you really do only have one life to live. You mother may have wanted you to grow up as a Catholic, which technically I think you did anyway, but I am sure that she would have placed a higher value on your living a life based on integrity and being truthful to yourself. Part of being an Atheist is having the courage to break with the past, stand on your own two feet and live a life that is being true to yourself. As a father myself I am sure that your mother loved you more deeply than you can imagine. With that I am equally as sure that regardless of her religion she would place a higher value on your happiness. Now as far as your present dilemma. Few things in life are more bothersome than a domineering, religiously conservative aunt, and yes I bet that she really does equate atheism with Satanism. Unfortunately for you no amount of reason in the world will have any effect whatsoever on your "domineering, religiously conservative aunt". Of course another bonus that comes with being an Atheist is that you don't have to worry about burning in Hell for either going and not going to church. Actually I would simply stop going. I would make a point of not involving her sons in your beliefs. Let them reach their own conclusions. If she forces the issue I would pull her aside and let her know that your belief and hers are different. Let her know that you respect her right to believe as she sees fit but that you think that she owes you the same respect. Simply put, you are old enough to make up your own mind about this.
Hang in there, if I can do anything to help please feel free to let me know. Good luck.

                                     Bob