Expert: Austin Cline - 1/4/2005

Question
hello.  my fiance and i are both athiest, but we still dont completely agree when it comes to how we will raise our kids.  he thinks we should celebrate christmas, just so the kids dont feel left out.  i think that would make us hipocrits.  he has asked me questions like "what will we tell our kids when their puppy dies, since we can't console them by saying the puppy will go to heaven".  i dont know what to say to that and i cant make him understand my views about being an athiest completely and not just some of the time.  do you know of any literature on athiesm or can you think of anything i can say to convince him?  do you know of any discussion boards online?  thanks a lot :)
-nina.

Answer
Nina,

Your question and situation are very difficult. I hope I can help, at least a little bit.

"he thinks we should celebrate christmas, just so the kids dont feel left out."

That depends upon how you celebrate it. I don't much care about Christmas myself, but I celebrate it for my wife's sake because she places a lot of meaning and value in it. She's a theist, but not a Christian. Christmas doesn't have to be a Christian holiday. People in Japan celebrate it and many don't even know what the original point of it was, much less believe in Christian dogmas! Trees are pagan, mistletoe is pagan... I'd say, don't worry about it. You can do a lot with Christmas without violating any atheist principles.

"he has asked me questions like "what will we tell our kids when their puppy dies, since we can't console them by saying the puppy will go to heaven"."

Well, dealing with death is something that every atheist has to face because they can't console themselves with myths about heaven and souls. Your husband should have been thinking about this *before* having kids. You two will have to figure out how to best explain death to your kids. I don't know of any books, off-hand, but Prometheus Books specializes in books for atheists and has a lot for kids - they might have something you can use in this situation. You shouldn't tell you kids that a heaven exists just to make them or you feel better. You should, however, work on the most age-appropriate manner to explain the truth.

"do you know of any discussion boards online?"

Yes, actually - my site has a discussion forum with hundreds of people from all over the world. Like any forum it has its own unique culture and some members can seem a bit prickly until you get to know them, but they are always willing to help someone with questions and problems.

Here is the home page:
http://atheism.about.com/

Here is the forum login page:
http://atheism.about.com/mpboards.htm

You'll have to create an account to post, but note the "Click here for Guest Access" - you can use that just to read a bit.