Expert: Christine D. DeLoatch, MA CCC-SLP - 1/27/2009

Question
I have an 8 year old son who seems to hear what I am saying to him, but doesn't ever really get 'it' until I raise my voice. (at that time I'm upset due to the fact that I have repeated myself for at least the 4th or 5th time) Last year he was struggling in school a little.  (I was told by his 2nd grade teacher)  This year he has made the honor roll and is doing wonderful.  At home he has been mocking me when I tell him to do something or he will repeat I know, I know, I know over and over again (really fast and repeatedly). He doesn't want to take the time and complete homework he will get mad at me and throw his pen.  He doesn't concentrate well at all except when playing video games or PC games.  Sometimes when I tell him to go to his room for misbehaving he will mock me or try to swing at me. He constantly makes unnecessary noises when at the dinner table or even if he looks at the dog he will just start making barking noises.   
I would like to know if I should go to the Dr. and get him evaluated for ADD.  Should I take him to some type of behavioral Dr?

Thank you."


Answer
Dear Kim,

Thanks for asking me you question.  I apologize for the delay in my response, I thought my account was on vacation.  

I would have to ask so me questions.  What is you parental stlye with him.  How much talking are you doing.  In your son's case there seem to be two things going on, one is a little bit of oppositional behavior - doing the opposite of what you want or what he should be doing and the other is some problems with task completion for things that are of low interest to him.  He may have low interest, because the work seems too easy.  You could try to get him to 'teach' you his homework - to see if he knows it.  I will suggest some techniques that you can choose from to deal with some of those behaviors you are seeing.

In general you can use positive reinforcement to get him get him to complete tasks.   

1) You can say that he has to complete his homework before earning computer / TV time.  If he has 3 subjects  (and you are willing to give him an hour to time) Then he gets 20 minutes for each subject he completes - but if he rushes and does them incorrectly - he has to come back and do them again.

2) I general I suggest these 4 techniques for you.  I suggest that you either minimize your talking - tap him on the shoulder, cock your finger at him for come here, tap the table where the homework or dinner is, pat the couch or chair where you want him to sit.  If you're not talking he can't mock your words.   You can tell him - "You know what to do." when he is misbehaving. (This worked well for my younger sister).  You also can use funny voices - like Yoda, and old grandma voice. This can break up the tension.  The last thing is just to minimize the directives.  Istead of saying "It's time for you to get off the compter now, it is time for bed."  You could say, "Bedtime, Computer off." in a firm voice.

3) Now there is also ways to use negative reinforcement with this.  You can give him say $1-2 dollars at the beginning of the week. I suggest you use nickles.  Tell him this is his money to spend on Saturday at the Dollar Store or he can save it for somethng bigger, but if he argues with you or mocks you, you take away a nickle every time. You have to be very consistent here.  Put the money in a clear jar so he can see it.

About the animal noises - I would suggest that you let him have 'silly voice or animal sound time maybe after dinner.  Maybe ask him to help you read a book about animals and ask him to add in the sound effects while you are reading together.  You build in some mother-son bonding time, and get him to appropriately use the sound effects.  You could even get him some information about Foley artists - the people behind the scenes of movies that make sound-effects like foot-steps and other sounds.  

Now - this is the most unusual technique that you could use regarding mocking the dog.  If he is at the table at dinner time barking like the dog.  You can have him move his chair, sit or the floor and give him his plate while sitting on the floor - I would put the dog in another room. I would then say, Boys and people eat at the table - dogs eat on the floor.  He may get the message that it is not where he wants to be.  This would be a technique that I would only use for those that are being extremely sassy and not listening despite being reminded 2-3 times not to bark at the table.

Now you have gotten a free consutation.  If after trying these techniques, your son continues the same behaviors without improvement, I would perhaps try a program called 1,2,3, Magic and then seek out a child psychologist to discuss things further.  You might see some remarkable improvement with these techniques.  Give yourself some time to see progress.  Only pick one or 2 behaviors to change at one time.  You mentioned 4 - Mocking, Completing Homework, Hitting at you, and Barking.  I think the fine for hitting at you should be 2 nickles.  I would also tell him that when adults hit someone they can go to jail - that is like being made to go to his room.  

When you do put him in his room for hitting at you - I strongly suggest that you use a timer - Set it for 8 minutes only - you can even use the one on the kitchen stove.  Then he needs to tell he know why he had to go to his room, that he is sorry, and will behave - then give him a hug so that you don't stay angry.  That comes from a program called Parenting with Love and Logic and also from the Super Nanny.

I know this is a lot to absorb, but I know that you will be able to do wonders, because you are catching this early.  

Many Blessings to you,

Christine