Expert: Norm Bishop - 2/16/2009

Question
As I comment above, my son Sebastian is 4 years old. He thinks everything is a joke.  When he is not behaving properly we try to put him in time out, he cries stating that he is not going to do it again, but does it all over.  He attends to a day care, I spoke to the teacher about his behavior, she stated that he does very well and act normal for his age, he doesnt do what he is doing at home.  The problem is at home, but what else can we do?  I hate to be screamming him not to do this or that.  I feel to the point that we cant control him.    On a single day we put him in time out at least 8 times with no success.  It is very frustrating.  We also have an 8 year old that is the complete opposite.  We think that he does it to direct the attention only to him, but we dedicate all the time only to him.  He does not want to share with his sister, everything belongs to him.  We are open to change the method that we tried to correct him.  Thanks.

Answer
Children always display their worst in the place they are most comfortable, in this case his home.  That is better than bad behavior elsewhere, but doesn't make your job any easier.  As you have discovered, every behavior intervention doesn't work the same with each child.  They are unique from the day they are born.  However, there are some consistent things that make the household run better, and I like the time out idea, especially since it works with the other children.  I would try to make time out more aversive to him.  Perhaps a chair in a corner with no toys, no TV, just sitting and looking at something boring.  If he wiggles and cries, then add time...maybe make a rule that he can't leave time out until he is silent for 30 seconds, then gradually add the time required for silence.  If that doesn't work then you need more power to the consequence...maybe you take his favorite toy for the rest of the day...or something like that.  I would also figure out a positive consequence when he is behavior, sharing, or whatever else you want to create more of...Creating a system of positive and negative consequences, consistently enforced will help stabilize his behavior.

Good luck...