Expert: Norm Bishop - 1/14/2010

Question
Hello Norm,
I am the mother of a 7 year old boy, who although is undiagnosed as of yet (we live in Canada and are on a waiting list for the assessment.) has ADHD as sure as I am sitting on this couch writing a stranger for help :-) I have ADD. My husband has ADHD. My mother has ADD and my husband's father is part of the "club" as well. There is no question in my mind that my son has inherited the disorder. As we are still waiting to have him officially diagnosed, I feel somewhat helpless when dealing with his school. He has a very rigid teacher who, although she agrees my son definitely seems to have ADHD, doesn't actually know a thing about it.  She has shamed him for his less than stellar motor skills (holding up his coloring for the whole class to vote on...Whether it was "good" or "bad", ugh!), she insists he just doesn't "want" to do the work, when he sits in class stumped and unable to start, and does things like take away recess as a punishment for unfinished class assignments...That only makes the problem WORSE! I can grasp being less educated than someone who's dealt with this confounding issue her whole life (me), but I can't understand why, when I offer solutions, the woman just will not budge. Example: I suggested emailing each other when there is something very important to be communicated. I was not getting important papers, and thought this might be a convenient possibility that would take the child out of the mix.  She flat out said no. She doesn't check her email daily. Done. There is no effort made, whatsoever.  She is consistently punishing regarding my son's forgetfulness and though I have been as forthcoming as possible about his own particular learning style, she acts like I've never told her a thing.  I just don't know what to do at this point. I will not stand for her abusing my son, but without a diagnosis, is there really anything I can do?  Thank you!

Answer
Let me start that whether there is a diagnosis or not, NO child should be treated the way that you describe his teacher dealing with your child.  Teachers are supposed to be nurturing, caring, kind people.  Yes, they have an obligation to push the students to be better, however, ridicule and sarcasm has yet to change any behavior, but has been clearly proven to damage children's self esteem.

It is my guess that the teacher believes that what she does is effective as she sees changes in a child's behavior when she is so punitive.  In effect, she gets positive reinforcement for her negative behavior, which causes her behavior to increase.  More powerfully, her reinforcement intermittent (doesn't happen every time#, which psychologically is a huge behavior change agent #the teacher's behavior).  What children learn is to avoid the punisher.  

The why regarding the teacher's behavior is intertwined with this simple reinforcement theory and the lack of understanding of a child's development.  I am speculating, but I think that the teacher doesn't really believe that ADD/ADHD exists.  She sees behavior, but cannot see the brain, therefore, the child obviously chooses to misbehave.  I think she is giving "lip service" to you about ADHD and carrying on like it is simply your son's bad behavior that he chooses to do.

I have had good luck with first attempting to work with a teacher like this.  When the teacher's behavior doesn't change and my child continues to be harmed, then I make an appointment with the Principal and ask to have my child moved to another class where the teacher has knowledge of the ADHD and uses different, less damaging techniques.  Usually when you sit with the building leader, he or she is understanding and the child gets transferred.  When it doesn't work is when there have been many requests of the same nature.  So, rather than correcting the teacher's behavior or removing the teacher, the Principal just stops allowing transfers.  When you meet with the Principal, be factual and avoid being emotional.

If that doesn't work, then you have to continue to be your child's advocate.  Continue to try working with the teacher, documenting your requests and her actions.  In the US, after you get a diagnosis, you have legal avenues to regain services the teacher is refusing to do.  I am not familiar with Canadian school legal recourses.  

I do belive that your child is being discriminated against because of his disability.  His teacher is ignoring your understanding of the disorder, both in what you suggest may help and in what experts say will help.  She either doesn't believe that the disorder exists, or she doesn't believe your child will get a diagnosis.  Either way your child's self concept is being destroyed by her humiliation and discrimination.  That alone is enough to go over her head to talk with her boss.

I wish your story was infrequent, but it is not.  It simply happens far too often.

Norm