Expert: Sharon Crandall - 2/16/2011

Question
HI ! I have a 7yr old daughter who was diagnosed at the age of 5 with ADHD. Initially I felt it was too young for an accurate diagnosis but I really wasnt suprised. Her Dad has it and I knew she was following in his footsteps with the " energizer bunny like moments" . Overall she has done ok academically with much intervention and support at home with homework etc.  I've tried very hard to sacrifice my time to devote to her in order to keep her free from medications. My concern is her emotional state. I dont want her to struggle with self esteem and problematic relationships as her father did....see as a child he recieved no treatment or support from his family. He had quite a disfunctional upbringing. I should mention her father and I are not together but Ive remarried and have provided the best stable enviroment I can for her... routines..family dinners...chores...sports. Anyway she has been very hard to handle at home and I've scheduled a re-evaluation to confirm ADHD and to better understand other problems she may be dealing with. I will then start to take classes to further educate myself on how to deal/cope with her behavior. As I'm worried about her self esteem I guess my question is what should I tell her when we go for the evaluation? I don't want her to feel as though shes defective or bad. I want to let her know where we are going and what we are doing but I'm not sure how to word it.


Thanks for reading my long story,

Adrienne

Answer
Hello Adrienne,

I would like you to go to my website and click on raising dynamite children and read what I say about ADD/ADHD. All the symptoms I can find on the internet can be explained by genetic personality traits and trait patterns. All traits are both challenges and gifts. Kids with these traits are not built to sit, learn, and take tests. Their brains actually work better when they are physically moving. They have traits that make them more challenging to parent, but when they find out about their traits they can find outlets to express them so that the energy is channeled into more positive behavior.

What is wrong is the school system, not the kids. There are schools where they have white boards for walls where the kids can stand up to do their work and they use a lot of dance and movements to help the children memorize things they need to learn. Traits that cause learning challenges are gifts that can be utilized in occupations. For example, low Concentration is the ability to change focus quickly. This trait is important in managing large groups of people where the manager can quickly scan and see what is going on in all areas quickly. It is also a trait that most announcers have, as well as other occupations where the person needs to multi-task.

I commend you for supporting her and helping her. Try to use music & dancing to help her memorize, making tapes of lessons that she can listen to with headphones while she walks around or jumps on a mini-trampoline.

Now, to help you if you want to have her analyzed. I would tell her that you are going to a doctor that looks at traits that give us challenges for learning but that just because he says you might have ADHD doesn't mean anything is wrong with you. It just means you have traits that make it difficult to sit and learn for long periods of time. While this particular doctor might think you need medication, we will look at it and decide if that is what might help you in school. It doesn't mean you are sick or not normal because lots of kids have these same traits and grow up to use those traits in their occupations and careers. It just shows that you have different talents that are needed. If all people were alike then there wouldn't be enough people for the many different jobs there are in our country. While this doctor knows about some things, he doesn't know all about personality traits and so we will talk things over before we decide what to do.

Personally, I am very much opposed to medicating children for several reasons. There are side affects that can be lasting and to some children, dangerous. They are addictive and it is proven that kids who take these medications are more likely to get on other illegal drugs when they get older, in spite of what the Dr. might say.

My daughter had a friend who, after one Dr. diagnosed her son as ADHD, went to another Dr. who told her that her son was just very active, etc. She got him up every morning early and got him into all sorts of activities. Her friend, at 21 was a tri-athlete, spoke 3 languages and played 3 musical instruments. I really wonder what he would have been able to do had he been medicated.

Personally, I would look up every kind of alternative methods of working with ADHD and alternative schools. You sound like a great parent and I know this is a difficult situation but the main thing is that your child understands there are advantages to her traits.

Now, everyone can improve brain function. There are exercises to help develop the brain and help our thinking. Music helps balance the brain, for example. Dancing is good, sports and games that use eye/hand coordination are helpful.

Many great and creative people did not do well in school and had behavior problems when children. That is because their traits gave them other gifts besides doing well in a regimented school situation.

I do hope this helps.  Look for every sign of any kind of talent or interest your child has and pursue those areas and don't worry so much whether she excels in school or not.

Feel free to contact me from time to time. You can email me from my website. www.personalityconsultant.com
After I receive your email I will answer it with my client email.

I hope to have a book out on the subject before too long.

Let me know how things go.

Sharon Crandall
www.personalityconsultant.com