Expert: Sharon Crandall - 10/2/2007

Question
QUESTION: I think I sent you a question...but it was over the weekend and I'm not sure if it was sent successfully.  Before I go all through the details again could you let me know?  Much appreciation.  I do believe my child might have some form of this but I am very reluctant to have him labeled with it and even more reluctant to have him medicated unnecessarily.
I'm concerned that might be the first course of treatment they jump to because it is most convenient.  Thanks from an anxious mom!

ANSWER: Shelia,
NO, I did not get the question.  Waiting to here from you.

Sharon Crandall


---------- FOLLOW-UP ----------

QUESTION: Okay Sharon...let me try this again! LOL  I will try to give you some background without making it too long.
My son is four years old.  He was adopted at birth.  Both of his birth parents were mildly developmentally delayed but there was no reason to think it was genetic, of course we wanted him regardless.

When he was born it was soon noticed he had plagiocephaly ...which means that his head was flat in the back.  He wore a "helmet" for about four months to correct the condition and also began having ECI (early childhood intervention) come to our home for physical therapy.

I compare it to a child wearing braces on their teeth...and it did correct the shape of his head...no one who didn't know him then could even tell and I don't even think he remembers.

His neck muscles were very weak, he couldn't sit up for a long time, and was slow walking.  But the physical therapy helped him achieve these things.

Once he began overcoming his physical problems it became clear that my little boy was not learning to talk as early as other children.  The ECI people began shifting the focus from physical therapy to more play therapy and speech therapy.  By the time he was supposed to know hundreds of words...my son knew about 30 tops.

The ECI team wanted to really focus on sign language.  I did not mind some sign language but I REALLY wanted them to include working on making sounds also.  Something just told me that my son COULD talk.  I think sign language is great...and I'd like him to learn it too!  But not in lieu of speaking!  Although there was never any real ugliness about it...we definitely did not have a meeting of the minds.

At the age of 2 and a half my son had major dental surgery.  They had to remove his front teeth and cap several others.  He is a very poor eater and because of that we made the mistake of practically letting him survive on Pediasure and it damaged his little teeth.  The dentist told me that his speech would improve after the surgery...but I never dreamed to what extent!!!

My son now talks up a storm...I don't really consider him to have a speech problem.  A speech therapist at one of the schools tested him and said what problems he does have with pronouncing things can mainly be attributed to the fact that he has no front teeth.  His speech therapist was amazed at how much he improved.

Now....here comes the "is this ADHD and what do I do" part.
My son began attending a mother's day out program when he was two and a half (mostly play).  When it was time to change to the three year old class he did...but unfortunately the teachers were less than wonderful.  I had him in it for about a week.  My son was about 90% potty trained but still needed to be reminded every now and then to go...these ladies never did that.  So long story short...he had an accident and they let him stay in it.  Also one kept leaving early to get HER kids from school...I told her..."I PAY YOU to take care of my kid...that doesn't work for me."  So anyway,  they said there was a space available in the class he had been in and he could go back there if I wanted him to...I basically just wanted him to get to be with other kids so I agreed.  About a month later they fired both of the other teachers and got new better ones...had I known that was going to happen I might have left my son in there.  What ended up happening was that my son finished up the year with 2 year olds....then started this year with the four year olds...now he is being disruptive...he doesn't know what they are doing (how could he...he missed everything they did last year!)...and he acts up to get attention.  

He runs and doesn't like to stand in line at his little football practice.  He will hit and talk back to me or his dad.  Lot's of times when it is just me I can get him to behave by just trying different ways of working with him and trying to stay calm even when he is not.  The worst thing is...his father makes it worse many times.  If my son says "I'm not going to do that!"...his father will say..."Fine...whatever...I don't care!"...or storm out.  I try to tell him that this is setting a very bad example.  But when I do...Dad will do the same thing to me...or roll his eyes...or swear...all more great examples for the little one.

I am so concerned for my child.  I really do fear that he might have some mild form of ADHD.  I don't want it to affect his ability to learn in school or achieve whatever he wishes in life.  BUT...I don't want him to be doped up or a zombie either just because it's more convenient.  I have met several people just in the last couple of weeks who have kids just a year older than my son.  When I have told them about my situation and my concerns they have all said the same thing..."My son acted almost just like him when he was that age."  One even told me her sister had her kid on Ritalin and he was "out of it".  

My son is precious.  He sings...he loves country music and knows the words to most of the songs.  He dances and cuts up all the time.  He LOVES airplanes, firetrucks, and schoolbuses...and there is no greater joy to him than to see one flying over or driving down the street.  He also loves pumpjacks!  I love this child and love the joy he gets from these things...I don't want to take them away from him!

BUT...I don't want him to constantly have to struggle to learn either.

My little boy is smart...he just might not be able to learn in the ways that some things are taught.  They have been studying shapes in class...he didn't really get it all that great.  I found a game on the computer from fisherprice.com about shapes....today he walked by his toybox and said "that's a square Mama."...I nearly fell in the floor!

I feel like my son probably has some form of this and I am more than willing to help him but it's very hard.  My husband and I should be working together and I feel like he is a big part of the problem with my son's behavior.  He loves him very much but his father left when he was very small and he had no example himself.  Another thing that makes it extra hard is that I am handicapped....not a little...a lot.  I have Spina Bifida which means I can't get around very well which also means I can't chase the little one if he does decide to not mind.  You would assume that any rational parent would think.....well...my partner is unable to do that so it is my responsibility....the key word there is rational.

I'm sorry to go on and on Sharon...I'm just really wanting an opionion from someone that's first inclination isn't drugs.  I have worked with some children that are severely ADD/ADHD and feel like in some cases medication is needed.
I have just heard too many horror stories about it being overly prescribed for children when other things might work.

I'd appreciate any feedback you can give me.  Thanks in advance!


Answer
Dear Shelia,

I am so glad you wrote.  While I have to be careful in that I am not a doctor I will say that I encourage you to search until you find alternatives to medication and also I would like you to look on the Internet at Sherry Tenpenny's website about how immunizations are so harmful, especially to kids with problems.

I am sorry you are having to deal with your husband as well.  Sometimes people need to feel really needed.  Tell him in a very heartfelt way that you need his support and help in this situation and how important the role of father is and see if he won't go to some classes or at least read some good parenting books, or get counseling together.  

You can also sit down with your son and tell him how much you need him since you can't run around fast.  Then give him an important title.  Children need to feel important so you could give him a hero's name after some person in a movie or video that will make him feel big and important.  Then tell him that so and so would help their mom and do what she asks, and really try hard to learn, etc.

Now, about his learning.  You are absolutely right.  He is smart and he can learn and the regular classroom setting is not a good thing for him.  You already have found a game where he is learning his shapes.  There are all sorts of helps to help children learn in other ways.

Could you financially get him into Montessori school?  I would research every alternative school I could find.  I saw one on PBS where the teacher had the kids do their work up at the board if they desired and also they did all sorts of dances and movements to learn.  Some people's brains, including adults and children, learn better when the person is moving around.  We used to have a mini-trampoline that my kids jumped on. You can put information on tape and have your child listen to a Walkman with earphones to learn things.  

Since it is obvious that he is talented musically, then anything set to music will help him learn.  And, as soon as you can get him into piano lessons the better.  Piano lessons really helps the brain, or learning any musical instrument.

I commend you and I think you are a great mother with good instincts.  Please keep in touch.  My book is about finished where I go over some of the traits that show why children need different learning environments and how most of these so-called symptoms are actually traits that will be an advantage in future careers.

You can contact me at personalityconsultant1@yahoo.com  This is my email where I interact with my clients, etc.  Please feel free to keep in touch and let me know how you are dong.  There are various games and exercises you can find on the Internet that help develop the brain.

Also, I would find the company, Marine Minerals online.  They have an almost tasteless liquid mineral that you can add to juice or water or soup that is very important to health.  Keep him off of anything with sugar in it, as much as possible.  I recommend peanut butter that doesn't have hydrogenated fats in it, and whole wheat products, and as much fruits and vegetables as possible.  Those minerals is a good way to feed his body.

Well, that is all I can do for now, but please contact me and ask more questions, if necessary.  I think there are groups you can find who are parents of kids with problems who are not letting their children go on medication and you might find help and support there, too.

I do wish you and your precious little boy the very best. I look forward to hearing from you again.

Sharon Crandall
Life is 4 Living Coach
Personality Consultant